Raise your hand if you're a lover of lists. Don't you adore crossing something off after you've accomplished it? Me too. However, in this current crazy season of my life, my to-do list has had to morph into something that matches my reality.
I fondly remember the days when all of my children took an afternoon rest, or at least a quiet time. They do now, too, but the two little guys are on slightly different schedules so there's only an hour when they're both down. I do rest for an hour or so, but I also need to capitalize on the sleeping babies and spend time helping the older kids with school.
What this means, practically, is that my to-do list has become sort of a running "extra projects" list rather than a day-to-day list, because the day-to-day just doesn't vary all that much. I use this printable check list for the daily stuff. You can alter the fields for your own use.
Then I add and delete things from the ongoing to-do list as necessary. Currently the list is:
1. Where are my jeans? (I have one pair in my current size and they're nowhere to be found)
2. Fill in names on family tree as far back as possible (This project could go on for years)
3. Paint- girls’ accents (This one is particularly pathetic. A friend is doing the painting for me. All I have to do is buy the paint, but I haven't even done that yet)
4. Sew hammock and cabana pillows (I'm not a good seamstress. I've put this off for months, but the hammocks are now on the back porch and I really can't ignore this any longer)
5. Hang shells from andy’s office (Too long an explanation)
6. 5yo Kindergarten doctor visit, 16yo tetnus booster (I know, it only takes a phone call...)
7. Find videos to send to Shane (ummm... find them... )
8. TOS reviews (Due June)
9. Christian’s Stocking to Sandy (all I have to do is send this to a friend but...)
And now a word about expectations. Years ago, maybe when I had five children or fewer, I could look at this list and know it could be tackled in a week's time. Now, however, the tyrrany of the urgent is where I spend most of my time, and so this list has become just an ongoing thing that continues to grow faster than it shrinks. If I were to expect to finish the list in a more timely manner, I would be frustrated, angry, and ready to throw in the towel, perhaps blaming homeschooling or any other number of things to which God has called me at the moment (like two babies, 14 months apart).
One thing I can say God has taught me over the last year is to make my expectations match my reality. Actually, more than that, I have no expectations. I don't expect time to myself, time to complete projects, family members who remember my birthday, dinner to come out well, perfect kids, or my haircut to be stunning. As a result, when any of those things do work out, I am utterly surprised and delighted!
How can you change your expectations to meet your current reality?
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So what does it look like to actually live out your top five "Rock List" activities each day? Obviously, it will look different in your home than it does in mine, and that's the way it should be. I'll share how our day looks, but please don't use it as a measuring stick. You and your family are unique!
1. Nurture, guard, protect, and grow my relationship with the Lord
I've been using a wonderful tool to help me read through the entire Bible this year. Typically, I'll read the day's Psalm at the breakfast table, then read the rest when I get a quiet moment- during quiet hour or before bed.
Worshiping, singing Scripture with the kids, praying throughout the day with my family and by myself are the ways in which I nurture my relationship with the Lord.
2. Nurture, guard, protect, and grow my relationship with my husband
This one is tricky, because if you gauge its importance by the actual amount of time we spend together, it would seem to fall to the bottom of the pile. We're in the thick of raising children; the time spent doing all of the things that entails is just the reality of it all. We enjoy our children, and they have made our marriage stronger.
I am so thankful for email and the internet, if only to be able to pop notes back and forth to each other all day long. Because my husband has patients and appointments, I don't like to call him at work. But I can shoot off an email and some days it feels as if we've had a daylong conversation.
Our expectations for ourselves are different, too. When we were giddy college students we had exciting and romantic dates. Now, a trip by ourselves to Costco makes me really happy :)
3. Clothe our family
10 people. Lots of clothes. Twice a year I'm searching the end-of-season clearance sales (mostly online), twice a year I'm pulling out and putting away last season's clothes, and all year long I'm laundering, folding, ironing, mending, and passing it on.
If I'm smart, I can do the thing I love (knitting) and make clothes for my family. This assures that knitting has a place on my Top Five.
4. Feed our family and keep our home sanitary (I realize these are really two things here, but they're both housekeeping related)
Planning, couponing, shopping, cooking, cleaning it up. Decluttering, tackling a room at a time for deep cleaning, keeping the bathrooms and the kitchen clean. I do have housekeepers who bail me out, but when I didn't I devoted a half day a week to cleaning the house- usually Friday afternoons.
5. Educate our children
Planning and executing everyone's education. This is the bulk of my day, but perhaps when there are no little people anymore we'll be able to get all our schoolwork done by noon or so. For now we have to spread things out in order to accomodate the needs of teenagers, babies, and everyone in between.
If you have come to this series late, be sure to read Part One and Part Two. The comments on both posts are rich with discussion and encouragement.
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So how are your Top Five lists coming along? We discussed this last time in Drowning in Home Management, Part One, and I'm hoping you had some time to quietly ponder what the five most important items on your agenda ought to be. I loved reading your comments and lists and I am so glad I didn't post my five because yours varied so greatly. What a creative God we have to make all of our homes so unique and wonderful.
My five are:
1. Nurture, guard, protect, and grow my relationship with the Lord
2. Nurture, guard, protect, and grow my relationship with my husband
3. Clothe our family
4. Feed our family and keep our home sanitary (I realize these are really two things here, but they’re both housekeeping related)
5. Educate our children
Obviously, many things can fall under each of those categories, but what was most important for me at the time was the ability to dismiss all of the things that don't fall under those categories. And here's the bonus: when I was able to have something that wasn't under those categories (say, inviting another family over for pizza and games), it was a wonderful surprise. Had I expected to be able to do something off the list that never came to fruition, I would likely have been frustrated and disappointed. My expectations most days match the reality of this season of my life.
In my next and last post on Drowning in Home Management, I'll go through each of my five items and try to show you what they look like from day to day. In the meantime, keep making those lists and don't forget to share them with us!
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I struggle desperately with balancing everything that must be done. I have yet to figure out how to give my oldest the help and teaching he needs for school while teaching my 5 yr old to read, etc. All this while 2 little ones run around. Not to even mention the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and housework that may or may not get done.
-Rachel
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My first thought when I read your list: “housework, paperwork, and homeschooling” was:
“what housework? what paperwork? what homeschooling?”
currently we’re not getting to *any* of those things. 
well, okay- a bit of housework and the necessary paperwork, but that’s IT.
-Stacy
♥
Hope you’re on your feet again very soon! And yes, I am one of those drowning in housework, homeschooling, etc. No family nearby, friends all in the same life stage as me (young kiddos), so whatever wisdom you can offer will be appreciated.
-Christine
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I recently read your article from 2006 I think, entitled Put Your Life in a Binder. I am attempting to do this but it is a big task. Any tips on how to get it done?
-Brandi
♥
Me too. No, really. I do have help, and yet in this season with a high schooler, a junior higher for whom I've begun to plan high school, three elementary students, a kindergartner, a toddler, and a baby, I am drowning in home management, too.
So let's all take a deep breath and try to gain perspective.
First of all, define what your "Rock List" should be. Remember that old Sunday School illustration where you fill a jar with sand (all of the non-essential activities of life), then try to fit in the rocks (all of the essential activities)? The rocks don't fit that way. But if you reverse the order- rocks, then sand- everything fits just perfectly.
My wiser-than-I-am friend Colleen once asked me to define my "Rock List"; that is, the essential activities that have to be done daily. I made a massive list of items that I had on my plate, big and small, and then began to put each item into the "Rock" column or the "Sand" column. While this was a helpful exercise that saved my dwindling sanity that year, everything was about to come crashing down and demand redefinition...
I had a miscarriage. I was pregnant two months later. I had a baby. I was pregnant five months later. I had that baby. I was in the PICU with him seven weeks later. And the Rock List suddenly became a burden.
I was relaying my waves of overwhelmment (I know. It's not a word, but I would make it one if I could) to my wiser-than-I-am friend Cheryl who said, "What are the top five non-negotiable activities of your life?" Five. That's it.
Can you define your top five non-negotiable activities? I am reluctant to even tell you mine, because I really want you to think this through and pray over it without any outside influence. Your top five non-negotiables should be between you and the Lord.
In Drowning in Home Management, Part Two, I'll touch on each aspect of home management and how I am currently tackling/juggling these things in our home. But I really, really, really want you to make that Top Five list before you read about what we do here, because my home isn't yours, and I don't have the corner on that market!
♥
I might be pursuaded to list my Top Five in the comments, but not until some time has passed so you can go before the Lord on this one :)
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well, okay- a bit of housework and the necessary paperwork, but that’s IT.
-Stacy
♥
Hope you’re on your feet again very soon! And yes, I am one of those drowning in housework, homeschooling, etc. No family nearby, friends all in the same life stage as me (young kiddos), so whatever wisdom you can offer will be appreciated.
-Christine
♥
I recently read your article from 2006 I think, entitled Put Your Life in a Binder. I am attempting to do this but it is a big task. Any tips on how to get it done?
-Brandi
♥
Me too. No, really. I do have help, and yet in this season with a high schooler, a junior higher for whom I've begun to plan high school, three elementary students, a kindergartner, a toddler, and a baby, I am drowning in home management, too.
So let's all take a deep breath and try to gain perspective.
First of all, define what your "Rock List" should be. Remember that old Sunday School illustration where you fill a jar with sand (all of the non-essential activities of life), then try to fit in the rocks (all of the essential activities)? The rocks don't fit that way. But if you reverse the order- rocks, then sand- everything fits just perfectly.
My wiser-than-I-am friend Colleen once asked me to define my "Rock List"; that is, the essential activities that have to be done daily. I made a massive list of items that I had on my plate, big and small, and then began to put each item into the "Rock" column or the "Sand" column. While this was a helpful exercise that saved my dwindling sanity that year, everything was about to come crashing down and demand redefinition...
I had a miscarriage. I was pregnant two months later. I had a baby. I was pregnant five months later. I had that baby. I was in the PICU with him seven weeks later. And the Rock List suddenly became a burden.
I was relaying my waves of overwhelmment (I know. It's not a word, but I would make it one if I could) to my wiser-than-I-am friend Cheryl who said, "What are the top five non-negotiable activities of your life?" Five. That's it.
Can you define your top five non-negotiable activities? I am reluctant to even tell you mine, because I really want you to think this through and pray over it without any outside influence. Your top five non-negotiables should be between you and the Lord.
In Drowning in Home Management, Part Two, I'll touch on each aspect of home management and how I am currently tackling/juggling these things in our home. But I really, really, really want you to make that Top Five list before you read about what we do here, because my home isn't yours, and I don't have the corner on that market!
♥
I might be pursuaded to list my Top Five in the comments, but not until some time has passed so you can go before the Lord on this one :)If I have learned anything over the past 15 years of parenting, it is that nothing ever stays the same for very long. No sooner do I have something planned or charted or scheduled than something changes and I have to start all over again.
Case in point: I just finished telling you all about the fact that both our 15-year-old and our 13-year-old would be at my husband's office for the year when we up and decided that they would instead stay home this year. Well, we didn't exactly "up and decide"; there was a lot of careful thought and rumination going into this decision.
What does this mean on a practical level for me? I have to revamp my revamps. I can utilize those guys in other ways. I can once again have the best barista in town whipping up chai frappucinos for me on a daily basis :) I was super bummed when I realized he'd be at work with his dad right about the time he'd offer to make me one each afternoon.
I won't be posting my revisions unless someone needs ideas for chores 15-year-olds and 13-year-olds can tackle, although they won't have many more than they already do. And the whole point of this post is simply to encourage you to not be discouraged when you have to scrap something you spent time putting together. Or, as my wise friend Cheryl always advises me, "Hold your plans loosely".
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In Revamping Systems, Part Two I mentioned that I have changed my attitude regarding my responsibilities, my children's responsibilities, and what I can expect of them. This has been the single most effective change I've made in our home maybe ever, because the change was in my attitude, not in any system, training technique, or other similar means.
My best friend Lisa was reading to her children the last book Bob Schultz wrote before his recent death, a book called Practical Happiness: A Young Man's Guide to a Contented Life. She called me one day and said, "Listen to this!" She went on to tell me about a chapter in which Mr. Schultz describes his disgruntled attitude upon arriving home each night, seeing the messes and what was unfinished and greeting his family with a scowl. God convicted him of his attitude, and of that Mr. Schultz wrote:
"As I thought about my failure, He showed me how to get over it: accept every task in the house and on the grounds as mine... Someone may say this perspective is unrealistic. No one could be expected to do every job. But it's done so much good for our family and for me. I wish I had seen it earlier. I rarely wash dishes. That makes me all the more pleased with my useful daughters. I can't remember cooking a dinner. How I appreciate my wife's help! When she's doing my job, I can accept a meal that's a half hour "late". When would it have been on the table if I had made it?"
Fabulous, isn't it? Yes, this house, these grounds, these children- all of these are my responsibilities and when I get some help, I am thankful! Like Mr Schultz, it is a rare occasion when I have to empty the dishwasher and now instead of grumbling when I do have that job to squeeze in, I am thankful that my seven-year-old does the dishwasher emptying on a regular basis. Boy, I wish I'd learned this one earlier.
We still expect our children to pick up after themselves. We are still training them to create less work for others, not more. We are still teaching them life skills that they can take with them when they leave our home. But my attitude has changed from disappointment in the child-like results of their work to thankfulness that all these young people are pitching in to help lighten my load.
Can I get an amen?
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