Posts in Nurturing Moms
How Can I Help Someone Else When I Have So Much to Do at Home?

It's true- there are days I don't know what to do...

Annie posted the following comment under "When Mama Has Limited Energy": "Especially like the part about "if you know someone who. . ." --which I do. And yet, I feel like I'm "failing" in my housekeeping and home schooling, not enough time to do all that I'm needing (wanting?) to do anyway. Where do I find the extra time to help someone with their laundry, ie, when mine is piling up?" ♥ I hear you.  We have so much on our plates, but there are still ways to encourage and help others. The best thing to do is to continue what needs doing at your house but then think how you can double your efforts for a friend. For example, when  my best friend and I lived in different cities and all our kids were under 10 or so, we often visited each other's homes and spent the night or a few.  Lisa said, "We ought to help each other with projects every time we get together." So from then on we would grab all the laundry and fold it together, or she would wash all the dishes after a big meal (she still does- love that girl!), or I would help her organize a cupboard. Pooling efforts is a great way to get some school work accomplished, too.  Maybe your strengths are different than a friend's strengths.  Maybe you can lift that burden for her and vice versa.  I've written on that a while back.  And then again. I love to take meals to people, and God has allowed me to continue this in the most creative ways.  Just last week our piano teacher posted on Facebook that she was seriously down with the flu.  I thought about what I had available and recalled that I had just enough leftover turkey tetrazzini from the night before for her small family.  I put it in a disposable dish, added a salad from what I had, threw in some cheesy muffins we were going to have for dinner, and pulled a little loaf of pumpkin bread out of the freezer.  It was really very little effort (love how God does that!) and she didn't have to pull together dinner for her family. Do your kiddos like to draw?  How about asking them to write a simple note that says, "I love you" or "I'm praying for you" and popping it in the mail for a friend who needs a little pick-me-up? Years ago when pregnant with our third, I was craving Diet Coke and a sweet friend doorbell-ditched me and left a two-liter on my front porch.  It made my day!
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Home Organization, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments
Exercise? When Do You Have Time for THAT?

freedigitalphotos.net

The last time I was weighed at my midwife's office before our eighth child was born, the scale read 204 pounds. I know some of you blessedly tall girls are thinking, "So?", but I'm a shorty at 5'3", and 204 pounds was not a healthy situation. I can blame back-to-back pregnancies, but I still knew that I was going to have to do something about it and fast. Because of Mighty Joe's illness, I didn't get around to adding an exercise routine into my day until an entire year after he was born. What I have learned over the past almost-40 years is that I have to do what works for me. There are thousands of paths to weight loss available, but the bottom line is that I won't exercise if I hate it. I hate running. That's out. I began changing my diet by replacing breakfast and lunch with an Isagenix shake. I would not recommend this to everyone; it's pricey and if you need to get a better handle on nutrition, drinking a meal-replacement won't help you long term. But Isagenix did kick-start my weight loss, and I lost 25 pounds in just a few months. I did love the ease of shakes enough to keep at it, but I switched to Juice Plus for several reasons, not the least of which was... um... the inability to "go" with Isagenix. That's enough about that :) There is absolutely NO reason you have to do this, too. I'm just telling you what works for me. We eat generally healthy: whole grains, lots of fresh veggies, homemade food. And so then there's exercise. Running's out. So is swimming six months out of the year. A gym is not a reality, both because I rarely leave my house as it is, and the cost would drive me batty. But I spent the years between age 5 and age 20 in a ballet studio or performing live theater, which often meant musicals and tap dancing, too. I love to dance, I like aerobic exercise, and I like routines. Thanks to my incredibly hard-bodied mom-of-three childhood friend Jonelle, I was introduced to Slim in Six and the Beach Body line of exercise DVDs. This has been the answer for me. Slim in Six is my favorite series, but I do use a couple of other Beach Body DVDs just to add variety (Yoga Booty Ballet, fast forwarding through the goofy spiritual junk and Turbo Jam, which makes me feel like I'm releasing any aggression I might have hidden deep down :D ). I like the Pilates Body Band workout from time to time, too. What works for me won't necessarily be the answer for you. The key is to figure out what works for you, when you can add it in to your day, and then do it. I work out during our afternoon quiet hour or at night. That's what works for me.   And listen- there is a season for everything.  This past weekend my husband was gone for four days and I only worked out once while he was gone.  The long days of managing all eight of my kiddos without a break at night was physically wearing.  If you have a husband who is deployed or you can rarely get a break, this may not be your season for serious exercise.  Can you be content to take walks with the kids or dance in the kitchen? If I can encourage you young moms just starting out- keep on top of the weight loss and fitness. If you're hoping to have a lot of children, you will need stamina and energy like you can't believe. I had our firstborn when I was just 22 and our lastborn at 37. There was magnanimous difference between the first pregnancy and the ninth. I'm 142 pounds right now. I have ten more pounds I'd like to lose to be at a weight I know I can realistically maintain. But I don't plan for 204 pounds to ever be a reality again.
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Life with Preschoolers, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments
How Can Sunday Be Restful With Little Ones?

Just days after our sweet seventh was born

♥

I wondered if you had anything to share about what you do to make Sundays different than the rest of the week when there is still so much to do for little kids. ~Alicia ♥ Hi Alicia- I completely understand where you're coming from.  I remember back about ten years ago when I would chafe any time someone mentioned the idea of a restful Sunday.  Restful?  For whom? Ultimately, I had to make a choice. I could be grumpy and hold a grudge, or I could rearrange the way I was going about Sundays and recognize that they could be different and less stressful than the other days of the week, and in that, they could be restful. There are definitely steps I took to make Sunday a more peaceful day.  First, I make sure that all of the clothing, shoes, and hair accessories that I am responsible for are taken care of by Saturday night. I don't want to have to run around Sunday morning trying to find the baby's shoes. We have the same thing for breakfast every single Sunday morning. Bagels with cream cheese, toasted on a sheet pan in the oven all at once.  Paper plates.  Minimal mess. We made the choice after much frustration, discipline issues arising from unrealistic (for us) standards at church, and over-tired little people in need of a nap to not participate in the church potluck after four hours of service and Sunday School.  Lunch at home after church is always simple. Cheese, crackers, salami, fruit.  Sandwiches.  Leftovers.  When we had four under six-years-old, we stopped at Carl's Jr because it was on the way home. Little ones go down for naps, and sometimes we big ones do, too.  I will not do laundry.  I might pick up things here or there, but if it feels like work, I don't do it.  I will, however, do something I enjoy, even if someone else might find it unappealing; gardening, couponing, reading, working out, baking. Dinner is simple, too. Pancakes, smoothies in the summer, burgers on the grill, leftovers, something from the freezer (tonight it was fajitas, quickly stir fried and served with Spanish rice, salsa, chips, etc.)  My friend Cheryl has a "clean-out-the-fridge" dinner every Sunday night, or an "every-man-for-himself" approach.  I grew up in a home where we had pizza every Sunday night.  Pizza and 60 Minutes :) Watch a video together, listen to a book on tape, read aloud, play a game (my middle kids are really into Pit these days), take a bubble bath.  Put little ones down. I admit that I do spend about an hour every Sunday evening preparing for the week.  But that's for sanity's sake on Monday morning, and that is entirely worth it to me. Helpful?
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Life with Preschoolers, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments
When Mama Has Limited Energy
I have recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I have four children 8 and under. There are days that my energy level and pain are quite bad and I really struggle through school. I don’t think that putting them in school is the answer. I know you can understand from your difficult pregnancies to your kidney stones. What do you do on those really bad days? More importantly what did you do on those days when the oldest was only 8? -Kimm ♥ I have lupus (SLE) and fibromyalgia, four children (8, 4, 2.5 today and just turned 1, still nursing) and a deployed husband (gone 11 months with 4 to go). I feel I have a pretty decent handle on the housework thanks to FlyLady’s book (website was too crazy for me!), but the other aspects of homeschooling, trying to eat and feed the kids healthy, etc..., are just overwhelming me right now. I see so many areas where I’m lacking as a mom/teacher, primarily in character building/Christian training, because it seems like it’s just a struggle to make it through each day with the kids fed and schoolwork done, let alone adding anything. -Catherine ♥ Kimm and Catherine asked these questions a long while ago, which is testimony to the fact that I can't do everything, either.  And then some! Yes, I do have pregnancies with long bouts of illness and no energy.  I also have spent a fair share of my time with three of my children in the hospital over the past eighteen months.  I have ideas to share, but I find it is very hard to practice what I preach.  It takes the encouragement of Scripture, the support of friends, and the patient reminders of my husband, who is also my biggest cheerleader. Turning the topic on its ear for just a bit here, please hear me-- if you have a friend who is struggling because of a physical ailment, pregnancy, a hospitalized child (particularly those who spend exorbitant amounts of time there with sick kids), a difficult marriage, or a host of other situations that put an irregular strain on homeschooling, would you please take the time to email them and encourage them?  Having friends and sisters do this for me was often the difference between lifting my eyes to heaven for strength and falling apart in utter despair. That said, I think it's easy to forget that classroom teachers go through the same things. I had two pregnant teachers in high school, one whose baby was stillborn.  It was a rocky year, to say the least.  She did her best, and we did fine, but I'm sure she felt that she wasn't the best teacher she could have been, either. In second grade I had a teacher who was going through a nasty divorce plus the illness of her father, and she relieved her stress by throwing erasers at us and dumping our desks over.  See?  It could be worse. So what are some practical things you can do to make schooling at home a reality even through the tough times? I've pinpointed strategies we have in place in our home, but I'd love for others to chime in so that you can glean lots of ideas. 1. Planning. There is nothing like a well-planned school year, period.  With spring break and then summer coming our way shortly, I'd encourage you to start jotting down what each child will be doing next school year and get to planning.  I've written about mega-school-planning before here.  There's more here. 2. Workboxes or Workfiles. Quite simply, the schooling of my six-year-old continued while I was in the hospital with our eight-year-old only because I had pre-filled her workfile.  I cannot say enough about this approach for the youngest students in our home.  Dana has done essentially the same thing, but in a binder. 3. Identify the most important things to accomplish each day. For me, laundry, meals, and schoolwork are what I can handle during four months of morning sickness.  Everything else goes on the back burner. 4. Even so, minimize the commitment. That means that children will have to pitch in and help with laundry, dinner will be simple, and school will be on autopilot.  This is not the time for field trips, unless you need a gulp of fresh air and a nature walk fits the bill. 5. Ask for help. And so, if all I'm doing are laundry, meals, and school, who's cleaning the toilets?  Again, this is where a little forethought can be helpful.  I'm kinda into clean toilets.  And somewhere along the line my husband saw me struggling to mop the kitchen floor while hugely pregnant and decided he'd take over the job.  Love that man!  But sometimes people don't see our needs and so we simply need to ask. 6. Utilize the incredible resources on the home education market. Including online classes.  Boy howdy, when our firstborn took his first online class I about jumped through the ceiling with joy.  I wasn't overseeing his assignments.  I wasn't the one who gave him a B on his final.  Lovely!  Off the top of my head, there's Veritas Press Scholars Academy, Memoria Press Online Courses, Schola Tutorials, Constitutional Law for Enlightened Citizens (the first course my son took, and we were so impressed), and local junior college online courses that have also been terrific for us. Switched On Schoolhouse is a huge help to many families.  So is Robinson Curriculum.  I take advantage of audio courses that we all listen to, as well as audiobooks. 7. Lastly, remove the pressure on yourself. There is no right way to homeschool for every family.  Ask the Lord and your husband what the goals should be for your children, and then steadily work toward them.
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Educating at Home, Life with a New Baby, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments
Reflections on a Daughter's Illness

Sisters

I knew from the very moment things seemed to go awry that God was going to teach us something.  Certainly, I haven't learned it all yet, and I suspect I've just barely scratched the surface of this trial.  But our daughter's ruptured appendix and recovery from septic shock has been the biggest trial of my life. The reasons are many, multi-layered, and very personal.  I'm not sure I can even sort through them yet.  I'm recovering from her recovery. In the forefront of lessons learned or yet to be learned is this: I'm sorry.  I can't do that. Thanks, Elizabeth.  You are a brave woman who has shown me exactly what I needed to see. ♥ A little addendum.  I wrote this post a few days ago, but on Saturday night our two-year-old had a seizure.  I know.  It was out of the blue, the first seizure any of our kids have had to our knowledge, and completely unexpected.  He spiked a 103 temp afterward, so we are relieved to know it was a common febrile seizure. Now the phrase, "I'm sorry.  I can't do that" carries even more weight.
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Musings and Miscellany, Nurturing Moms, Sweet Caroline's StoryKendra Comments
Am I Short-Changing My Children?
Kendra, Wondering if you would be willing to comment on how to spend enough time with younger children while schooling older kids? I am a scheduler and use a modified version of MOTH. That helps. But this year I am dealing with one in middle school (he is self-motivated but his school day is pretty full), one in 5th who should be fairly independent by now but isn’t (dyslexic), a 3rd grader who is somewhat delayed but quickly catching up (still requires a lot of one-on-one though), and a very motivated K’er who would school all day long if I had the time to give her. Plus a high-strung three-year-old (we’re working on it), and a laid-back one-year-old who I am afraid gets a little too lost in the mix. My bottom line problem is that no matter what schedule I work out, I feel someone is getting short-changed. Sometimes I focus more on my little ones, doing the fun things with them that I used to do with my older kids when they were little — reading lots of stories and swinging and going on walks. But then my older kids don’t seem to get the one-on-one that they really need, especially my dyslexic child. On the other hand, if I focus on the older kids, then I begin to feel that I am doing nothing but moving the younger kids from one pre-planned activity to the next without any good, nurturing momma time. I would love some advice on how to balance all this. I feel like I have two separate groups of kids who need two different kinds of mommies/teachers. I know God called me to this, and is sovereign and not surprised or befuddled about what to do. That is comforting, but I feel so bad that I can’t seem to be what my kids need from day to day. Any thoughts? Sorry this is so long. Jenn ♥ Hi Jenn- The truth is, you really do have two sets with two different needs, and even within those sets there is such a variety of needs that it feels impossible to keep every plate spinning, doesn't it? I feel the same way you do, but I do remind myself (and try to press in closely to hear the Holy Spirit on this subject) that in God's perfect Sovereignty and plan, those needs are being met because He is meeting them and I will never be able to anyway. I know adults who were without siblings who feel that their parents couldn't be all things to them. And the truth is, we can't.  I used to think I could meet all the needs and wants, but not only can I not, I don't believe it would serve my children well if I did. Sometimes I'll hear an older child say something to the affect that if there were no little ones, they could do more things.  They have friends without young siblings who seem to have more opportunities than they do.  But I remind them that the little ones don't get to do all the things I used to do with the older ones when they were little- we can't go to Story Time at the library regularly or Mc Donald's play place for lunch anymore. I also point out that a lot of the joy in our family comes from the hilarity the little ones provide and that they will miss it terribly when they move on in their own lives.  The little guys are dually blessed by the older kids- piggyback rides, special playtimes, lots of attention, and someone to get them what they need when Mom isn't available. Some days I feel I haven't spent a ton of time with the little guys, but then I scoop them up and sit them on the counter while I'm making dinner, have a little conversation about their world, and suddenly they know how much their Mama adores them. ~Kendra
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Educating at Home, Life with Preschoolers, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments