Recently I purchased Times Tales for my 11-year-old,who was having trouble learning his upper times tables. He's a kinesthetic guy who has a hard time committing anything to memory. Well, WOW. He learned them in less than an hour. Really.
So I am perusing one of the publisher's blogs, and I happen upon another nifty product that just screamed "Preschoolers and Peace" to me: the Clean n Flip Laundry Basket Cleaning for Kids! Let us know how it works for you.
So my five-year-old just couldn't figure out which forks were the big ones. Consequently, my husband and I have been sitting down to dinner with little salad forks each night.
I tried and tried and TRIED to show her which ones were the BIG ones, until yesterday when I had a bit of a light bulb moment...
Think the bright red sticker will do it???
Someone asked what privileges our children gain with responsibilities. I had to really think about that one because the privileges are more natural rather than necessarily tangible.
Some privileges follow the accomplishment of a task or the conquering of some area that has been a particular struggle in a child's life. Other privileges are the natural outflow of a child being characterized by faithfulness and responsibility. Our 13-year-old was recently released from breakfast and lunch clean-up duties because he had shown extraordinary faithfulness in that area since he was a tot.
Until a child can show self control and the ability to accomplish tasks without being directly supervised, he cannot spend a day with Dad at his office. The bored and immature child cannot be trusted to keep himself constructively occupied while Dad is busy at his work. They love this privilege because they get to go out to breakfast and lunch, are doted upon by staff members, and occasionally get to have their teeth cleaned (ok, I can already hear your snickers at this one...)
The child who shows self control around peers in situations where Mom and Dad are keeping a watchful eye gains the privilege of more play opportunities with friends. He or she may also be released to participate in class settings- art, music, martial arts, etc. But until we can trust the child to act responsibly, respectfully, and with self control, we will not allow them to be in a group setting without our shepherding presence. It took a long time for one of our children to gain this privilege, and even now we keep an eye out for any of his old habits to manifest themselves. He has missed his medieval martial arts class several times this year because we felt he needed a gentle reminder.
For the preschool set, some natural priveleges might be getting to stay up later than usual after taking a nap, getting dessert after eating a lesser-liked meal without complaint, or getting to choose a movie because the little one had yielded to another sibling's desires earlier in the day. After a day of cheerful obedience, we might reward the child with three cheers from the whole family at the dinner table, an extra bedtime story, or the opportuity to stay up 15 minutes later with mom and dad. Little ones are delighted with little privileges. Just make sure you communicate what a BIG accomplishment they've achieved!
One of the comments left under a chores post was about anger in children. The reader asked:
"Would you please at some point, discuss anger in children? What do I do when my 5 year old responds in anger, blaming someone else, or pouts when he does not get his way? He does not ever hit anyone or throw things but it is his ATTITUDE that I need to take on. How do you get under the behavior and deal with the attitude, the pouty face, the angry look, the blaming? I usually make him go stand in the corner for the attitude...is there something else I should be doing? He obeys me, it is more the attitude when playing or not being allowed to do something or being told we are changing activities and he has to come in the house, etc. Thank you!"
I felt this was an urgent one to answer because I know how incidents like these can unravel a mom's day. I DON'T have all the answers regarding anger in little ones, but I can give you some thoughts and ideas.
First of all, I think you are on the right track when you ask, "How do you get under the behavior and deal with the attitude, the pouty face, the angry look, the blaming?" So many parents deal only with the outward manifestations of anger, resorting to behavior modification techniques rather than getting to the heart of the issue. To borrow a phrase from OreoSouza, they simply keep the lid on the pot.
A five year old is really not yet at an age where he can discuss the matter with you logically. He may not even be able to define his anger. How many conversations have you had that go like this:
Mom- "Honey, why are you so angry?"
Child- "I dunno."
So because he is just learning to define his sin, you need to do so for him. Tell him that his anger is sin and that you are going to help him get ahold of this area of his life. Then consistently administer discipline whenever the pouting, angry faces, and blaming manifests itself.
Can you think of yourself as walking alongside this child? Tell him often that you are on his team, that you are walking alongside him just like Jesus walked alongside His disciples. Then never allow his sinful behavior and attitudes to result in a positive reward. In other words, he cannot "win" these little battles or his conscience will be seared and he risks a lifelong struggle with anger when things do not go his way.
Just out of curiosity, I asked my 13 and 8-year-olds how a mother should handle a situation like this. They both said, "Spank him." Wow. Funny how kids can identify and root out sin as they grow! They both then expounded on their idea of discipline for a pouting, angry child, saying that he must learn to cheerfully obey his mother or he'll never be happy. Then the 13-year-old said, "And tell her that one bad apple can spoil the whole bushel."
There are some hands-on things you can do with your son to help him see his sin through Biblical eyes. Look up verses about anger and memorize them together. Give him tools to help him replace the sin with something positive, such as serving another family member. I actually keep a list of extra jobs on my clipboard so that I can refer to it when I need to administer a little discipline. "You need to bless the family", I'll say to the offending child.
How about telling him in advance that if you see the pouting or anger begin, he will automatically lose the privilege of (insert a privilege here). Further, if he cannot get a grip on it and cheerfully obey, then tell him he'll scrub four shower tiles with a toothbrush (or some other tedious chore that blesses and serves your family). Make it distasteful to fall back upon that sin. Make it super rewarding to conquer it... bake him a cake that says, "You did it!"
Painting benches at family camp
Little chores lead to bigger and better responsibilities, and with responsibilities come privileges!