Posts in Life with Preschoolers
The Girls' Room (and ending squabbles)

I love lists.  I love them because they get my thinking out onto paper so that I don't have to think anymore and I love them because they communicate what needs doing.

Two sisters here were having battles every time they needed to pick up their room.  One claimed she'd done the job while the other claimed she hadn't and so forth.  I was at the point of exasperation.  This was a situation just crying out for a list!  We posted the list last week and magically, 90% of the conflict just disappeared.  Both girls know what is expected of them and neither can claim they did their part if the evidence is to the contrary.

GIRLS’ BEDROOM CLEAN UP

7-year-old

Make both beds

Tidy dressers

Fold clean clothes and put them away

Tidy bathroom

5-year-old

Put books away

Put dirty clothes in the laundry

Put toys away

Pick up trash and throw it away

What needs a list in your home?

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Time

You do know that all the things I've shared on Preschoolers and Peace have been the result of years.  Time.  From our family vision statement to our ever-changing laundry system to white boards, everything has developed over time.

And we haven't arrived.

Give yourself the years it takes to develop character in your children, systems that work well, and a life that honors God.

And know that things rarely stay as they are.  No sooner have we mastered a schedule than it has to change for one reason or another.  That's ok, too.

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Potty Training

The post so many of you have been waiting for is now here!

Potty training is hands down my least favorite parenting task and I don't think I'm very good at it.  But I have learned some things from my children that might be a help to you.

I realize that the generation before us claims to have had us all potty trained by 18 months or something like that.  I have had my share of criticism from family members when my two-year-olds weren't trained, so much so that once I said, "You know, if you feel that strongly about it, you're welcome to take her home and train her."  That promptly ended the discussion.

I wonder if perhaps they feel so strongly about it because they remember the days of cloth diapers and all the work that entailed.  I know my mom has always thought it a lot of work for me to have two in diapers, but I never thought it was any big deal.  If you use disposables, the days of cloth diapering and all it's subsequent headaches are gone.

Anyway, all that to say that I trained all three boys at just over two years old.  All three took several weeks, a lot of accidents, and sufficient bribery in the form of m-n-m's to train.  One boy took a full year before he was truly trained.  Ugh.

After the year-long experience, I decided to wait to train our first daughter until she was nearly three.  I also had a newborn, and managing all five under the age of eight meant I just wasn't mentally up to the task.  I was expecting it to be a long, drawn-out ordeal as with the little guy before her.  Much to my surprise, she was completely trained in about four days.  Huh.  Was it just the girl and not her age?  Perhaps.  But when the next little girl was approaching three, I decided it was time she was trained as well.  Two weeks.  Done.  Was I on to something?

A few Sundays ago I thought it might be "fun" to put our littlest in training undies for the afternoon.  She thought so, too, especially when the jar of m-n-m's came out.  Lo and behold, this one caught on super quickly as well.  We've had exactly two accidents, neither of them the yucky stuff.  One morning she woke up announcing, "I have to go potty!"  She had held it until I could get her out of her crib and take her to the bathroom!  Unbelievable.  This little one will be three in December, the latest I've ever trained anyone.

Certainly, there could be other factors that have led to our success with the last three.  I have relaxed.  A lot.  They are all girls.  But for our household, the potty training motto is now, "The later the better."

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Interruptions, Delays, Inconveniences

Do you receive Elisabeth Elliot's devotional in your inbox?  It is one of the things I look forward most to receiving each day.  This one in particular seems to speak loudly to us mothers of preschoolers:

 

Daily devotions for 11-02-2006: Title: Interruptions, Delays, Inconveniences Author: Elisabeth Elliot Devotion: Elisabeth Elliot Book: Keep A Quiet Heart Do you enjoy this devotional? Send it on to a friend! ____________________________________________________________ Title: Interruptions, Delays, Inconveniences Emily, wife of America's first foreign missionary, Adoniram Judson, wrote home from Moulmein, Burma, in January 1847: "This taking care of teething babies, and teaching natives to darn stockings and talking English back end foremost . . . in order to get an eatable dinner, is really a very odd sort of business for Fanny Forester [her pen name--she was a well-known New England writer before marrying Judson].... But I begin to get reconciled to my minute cares." She was ambitious for "higher and better things," but was enabled to learn that "the person who would do great things well must practice daily on little ones; and she who would have the assistance of the Almighty in important acts, must be daily and hourly accustomed to consult His will in the minor affairs of life." About eighty years ago, when James 0. Fraser was working as a solitary missionary in Tengyueh, southwest China, his situation was, "in every sense, 'against the grain.'" He did not enjoy housekeeping and looking after premises. He found the houseboy irritable and touchy, constantly quarreling with the cook. Endless small items of business cluttered up the time he wanted for language study, and he was having to learn to be "perpetually inconvenienced" for the sake of the gospel. He wrote after some weeks alone: "I am finding out that it is a mistake to plan to get through a certain amount of work in a certain time. It ends in disappointment, besides not being the right way to go about it, in my judgment. It makes one impatient of interruptions and delay. Just as you are nearly finishing--somebody comes along to sit with you and have a chat! You might hardly think it possible to be impatient and put out where there is such an opportunity for presenting the Gospel--but it is. It may be just on mealtime, or you are writing a letter to catch the mail, or you were just going out for needed exercise before tea. But the visitor has to be welcomed, and I think it is well to cultivate an attitude of mind which will enable one to welcome him from the heart and at any time. 'No admittance except on business' scarcely shows a true missionary spirit." There is nothing like the biographies of great Christians to give us perspective and help us to keep spiritual balance. These two are well worth reading. It was J.O. Fraser who so inspired my husband Jim Elliot with missionary vision that Jim planned to name his first son after him. One more quotation--this from an out-of-print book, The Life and Letters of Janet Erskine Stuart. Says one who was her assistant for some years, "She delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort, and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will, and working out His own designs. Whether she traced the secondary causes to the prayer of a child, to the imperfection of an individual, to obstacles arising from misunderstandings, or to interference of outside agencies, she was joyfully and graciously ready to recognize the indication of God's ruling hand, and to allow herself to be guided by it." ____________________________________________________________ Did you enjoy this devotional?  Send it on for a friend to enjoy. To receive this e-mail regularly, just go to this page: http://www.backtothebible.org/media/email.htm

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Getting a Little One Off a Bottle

Recently Heather emailed and asked about getting her 21-month-old off of a bottle at night.  Her email was detailed and so I thought I'd just give the gist and then share my (and my dentist husband's) answer.

Hi Heather- Oh wow!  You have quite a problem on your hands- not your daughter, of course, but the whole reliance on the bottle to go to sleep.  Right up front I will tell you that you simply have to stop giving her anything in her bottle but water.  Juice, gatorade (really high sugar content!), and milk pool in those little mouths, and my husband sees lots of little ones with teeth rotted down to the gumline because they are allowed sugary drinks in bottles after a year or so. But coupled with that I will tell you that my husband and many other pediatric dentists will urge you to get rid of the bottle and/or pacifier past a year of age.  In fact, our three who took pacifiers all had them taken away at a year.  They cried for two days at the most, but then they were done with it.  If you keep on with the bottle and/or pacifier, some orthodontist is going to love you :) So you really have to make a choice, and I know it's not easy.  But you either decide to give in and give her the bottle or you let her cry it out for as long as it takes.  If you choose the first scenario, you will have an easier life now, but you will have big dental and orthodontic bills later, as well as compromised dental health.  Kinda like using a credit card- buy now, pay later :) If you choose to let her cry it out, you'll be miserable for a few days, maybe a week, but you'll be in far better shape long term. Let me know how it goes.  If you lived closer I'd tell you to call me when the screaming gets to you so I could encourage and distract you! Blessings, Kendra
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Pink and Blue

My seven-year-old and five-year-old wear the same size.  Gone are the days of passing clothes down, except to little sister who will receive two of everything.

 

This fall I decided to do something I'd never done before: color code them.  Biggest sister has the majority of her clothes in blue and middle sister is mostly pink.  The hours of laundry sorting this has saved me- I can't begin to tell you!

 

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