When I had one child, I knew it all.  When I had two, I knew even more.  But curiously, with the addition of each child, I find I actually know less and less.  Now with six, I know nothing

I used to be very critical of what I deemed to be unnecessary baby products.  "Marketing!", I would cry.  "Sloppy parenting!", one of my more self-righteous thoughts.  And so items like baby swings, jumpy seats, cupboard door locks, and especially those ridiculous crib tents were only for the weak-willed.

Right.  And then I had four under six.  Oh!  And then five under eight.  Aha!  Six under ten, and a male ten, at that.  A male ten-year-old who couldn't remember where he put his own shoes, let alone remember whether or not we had grabbed the diaper bag on our way out the door.

And so last week when we battled the two-year-old with the new-found freedom at nap and bedtimes, Lisa suggested I try their crib tent.  Oddly, while I would have rolled my eyes years ago, I said as emphatically as I could, "YES!  Bring it over TODAY!"

It's funny.  This little girl who tested us constantly, even when I diligently sat there watching her to see if she put her toe over the edge of the mattress (yes, I've read that parenting book, too) suddenly loves the boundaries that the crib tent provides.  Huh.

She cried the first nap the tent went up, but curiously that night she said, "I go sleep in the tent?"  She loves this tent.  And you know what?  The tent has caused her to cease winning.  The tent has given her and her sisters their much-needed sleep back.  The tent is a tool that we are using for this season in her life.

So again, I will say, I know nothing.

I can't always answer questions posed in the comments, but I thought I'd give a little time to two that were posted under the last post on time alone.  My answers come with a resounding caveat:  I am not an expert, even on my own children.  So take my answers for whatever they are worth to you, and toss the rest.

I agree they definitely need some time alone. My daughter who is six wants to go in her room and shut the door when she plays Barbies; she does not want her 20-month-old sister to bother her. I can understand sometimes, but she does not want her to even sit on the other side of the room and play something else while she is playing Barbies, any suggestions?

It does sounds as if Barbie takes precedence over sister, and that fact alone would cause me to put a child on a Barbie hiatus.  We've had Lego hiatuses here.  But I would talk the whole thing through with your daughter.  Explain to her that although you understand that the little one has a tendency to get into her things and you know that can be frustrating, our goal is to become unselfish people who love each other more than our things. You could give her a little grace period in which she has the opportunity to show you that Barbie is not more important than sister, but if she cannot play Barbie while sister is in the room, you'll need to set Barbie aside for awhile.

Again, the above is true for any toy or possession.  Even if Barbie is the most favorite toy your daughter owns, she is garnering more affection than sister, and that never honors God.

Any thoughts on what to do about a 5 yr. old little girl who is set off by little things and cries a lot for apparently no reason? I fear she will never overcome this (even though I know she probably will). I just want to do all I can now to help the behaviors while there's time. I don't feel that she's necessarily in need of discipline, it's just that she's very emotionally charged. Any ideas or encouragement anyone?Thanks!

Nope.  I have no ideas or encouragement.  Just kidding!  I feel for you, mama, especially if you are not an emotionally charged woman.  I am not emotional unless something major has occurred (or my hormones are wacky) and seeing unbridled tears or histrionics in girls and women really gets on my nerves.  This is an area where God is teaching me compassion, although I'm afraid I'm a slow learner.

So, what would I do?  Hmmmm.  Well, I do believe there is a proper time to stand back and assess environmental issues.  Could it be your daughter is overly tired?  Does she get enough sleep?  How is her diet?  What is the atmosphere of your home?  Are there heavy emotional issues that might be affecting her?

If you can rule out any of the above (or anything else that comes to mind), then maybe it's time to patiently teach your daughter not to fall apart every time something doesn't go her way or "apparently for no reason".  This is one of those issues that needs loving conversation with mom, so plan a time when you can sit down with her alone, pour her a cup of cocoa, and then explain that you are concerned about this area of her life and that as she grows and matures, she needs to learn to control her emotions.  It won't be an overnight change, but something you and she work on together over the years.

Then design a simple battle plan with her.  Tell her something like, "So when mommy sees that you are on the verge of tears, I'll signal to you to take a big deep breath." Or something like that.  Let her know that you are on her team!  You are her biggest fan and you are there to help her conquer an area of struggle in her life.  Her husband will thank you some day :)

Dear Kendra,

I was curious if you'd had any thoughts on teaching kids to play well together versus giving them separate activities.

-Melissa

♥

Funny how these questions are posed just when we seem to be dealing with an issue ourselves.

For the most part, I like my kids to be together.  I like them to learn to solve problems together, I like them to learn how to accept each other's differences, and I like that they often are squeezed enough that they have to learn to give up ground to one another.  This is the benefit of having more than a couple of children.

On the other hand, there seems also to be a time to separate.  Today, for instance.  My, my, my, you should have heard them.  I actually posed the question, "Do you love each other?  Because it doesn't sound like it.  In fact, it sounds as if you hate each other."  Bicker, bicker, bicker.

Now, environmental issues aside (seems we are in need of sleep and the end of Daylight Savings Time), today was a good day to separate.  So for quiet hour, each child had to separate themselves completely from anyone else.  And they had to contemplate their attitudes.  The little ones slept, which they very much needed.

They resumed play together after a time of separation.

My point, I suppose, is that I don't think there is always a need to force our children to play together.  Balance, you know?  Context, too.  And while I will always choose for them to do the hard thing, such as learning to yield a preference to someone else, I do think there is a time for quiet, solitary play in which no one else destroys anyone else's block tower, coloring page, or Lego creations.