If I have learned anything over the past 15 years of parenting, it is that nothing ever stays the same for very long. No sooner do I have something planned or charted or scheduled than something changes and I have to start all over again.
Case in point: I just finished telling you all about the fact that both our 15-year-old and our 13-year-old would be at my husband's office for the year when we up and decided that they would instead stay home this year. Well, we didn't exactly "up and decide"; there was a lot of careful thought and rumination going into this decision.
What does this mean on a practical level for me? I have to revamp my revamps. I can utilize those guys in other ways. I can once again have the best barista in town whipping up chai frappucinos for me on a daily basis :) I was super bummed when I realized he'd be at work with his dad right about the time he'd offer to make me one each afternoon.
I won't be posting my revisions unless someone needs ideas for chores 15-year-olds and 13-year-olds can tackle, although they won't have many more than they already do. And the whole point of this post is simply to encourage you to not be discouraged when you have to scrap something you spent time putting together. Or, as my wise friend Cheryl always advises me, "Hold your plans loosely".
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I liked Elizabeth's thinking. Take the Motivated Moms planner and tweak it be more personal. For me, the $8 annual purchase of the Motivated Moms planner is worth its weight in gold and I will continue that each year. The Bible readings help me to jump into Scripture when I need some direction and the monthly, quarterly, or annual chore reminders are extremely valuable to me. But for this season of my life, I need every little task spelled out for me. The distractions are aplenty and I need the thinking pre-done.
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Two of My Favorite Distractions
I made my Excel Spreadsheet so I could see everyone's chores at a glance, but I also made a daily checklist that allows me to readily see who is doing what on which day. If I have to check it off, I am far more likely to check up on their work.
Here's the breakdown:
Mom's Daily Chores
Breakfast Dishes, Clean Guest Bathroom, Laundry, Prep Dinner
Monday: Clean Under Kitchen Sink/Other Specific Kitchen Tasks
Tuesday: Spot Clean Kitchen Cabinets
Wednesday: Clean Out Diaper Bag
Thursday: Wipe Down Dishwasher and Fridge
Friday: Clean Out Car
Saturday: Prep Church Lunch, Iron, Clip Children's Fingernails
10 (11 in October)- year-old Boy's Chores:
Morning:
Prep Breakfast, Empty Kitchen Trash, Empty Clutter Basket, Feed Turtle & Gecko, Run a Load of Laundry, Wipe Down Boys' Toilet and Sink
Evening:
Tidy Entry and Stairs, Tidy School Shelf, Tidy Kitchen Desk, Walk Property, Pour Dinner Drinks
Monday: Bring in Trash Cans
Tuesday: Clean Windows Dining Room/Kitchen
Wednesday: Change Boys' Bath Towels
Thursday: Wipe Down Washing Machine/Dryer
Friday: Stock Diapers and Wipes
Saturday: Prepare Church Clothes, Organize Closet and Drawers, Change Sheets (Every 2 Weeks), Clean Turtle Cage, Make 3 Bottles of Red Juice, Fold/Put Away Clothes, Fold Boys' Socks
9-year-old Girls' Chores:
Morning
Brush Teeth and Hair, Prep Breakfast, Clean Girls' Bathroom, Put Clothes Away, Empty Clutter Basket, Feed Dog and Cat, Gather Eggs
Evening
Tidy Family Room, Tidy School Shelf, Fold Laundry/Put Away, Dinner Prep Helper
Monday: Change Bath Towels
Tuesday: Wash Out Kitchen Trash Can
Wednesday: Stock Diaper Drawers
Thursday: Change Bath Towels
Friday: Organize Shoe Rack
Saturday: Prepare Church Clothes, Organize Closet, Dust School Room, Dust Office, Dust Living Room, Dust Family Room, Change Sheets (Every 2 Weeks), Iron, Bake for Sunday
7-year-old Girl's Chores:
Morning
Empty Trash, Empty Dishwasher, Brush Teeth and Hair, Empty Clutter Basket, Sort Girls' Laundry
Evening
Tidy Upstairs Hall, Tidy School Shelf, Fold Laundry, Dinner Prep Helper
Monday: Change Hand Towels
Tuesday: Fold Rags
Wednesday: Sweep Front Porch
Thursday: Stock Toilet Paper
Friday: Tidy Book Buckets
Saturday: Prepare Church Clothes, Stock Diaper Bag, Organize Closet, Clean Doors (Family Room, Front, Office, Garage), Sweep Front Porch, Sort Girls' Laundry, Change Sheets (Every 2 Weeks), Gather Everyone's Bibles
4-year-old Girl's Chores
Morning
Take Wet Kitchen Towels to Bucket, Brush Teeth and Hair, Gather Phones, Help Empty Dishwasher, Empty Clutter Basket
Evening
Dinner Prep Helper, Set Table, Tidy Living Room
Monday: Bring Rags and Red Juice to Mom
Tuesday: Bring Rags and Red Juice to Mom
Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday: Help Mom
Saturday: Get Girls' Church Shoes & Put Them By the Front Door, Clean Light Switches
It seems like a lot when it's on paper, but the morning chores take us no more than 20 minutes. Saturday work days last longer, plus we tend to have projects as well. We get the jobs out of the way and then we can enjoy the rest of the day.
Amy asked about expectations and reminders. When they are young, I have learned to have really low expectations. I mean really, the help they give is not the work of an adult, nor should we expect it to be. I will remind them gently and sometimes not so gently. I have radically changed my attitude in regards to my responsibilities, their responsibilities, and what I can expect. And yes, I'll be blogging about that soon, too.
The older ones, on the other hand, have an income of some kind and so I have found that charging them a dollar amount if they neglect a regular chore is the most effective consequence. This week I made $8 :)
Our 15-year-old and 13-year-old are responsible daily for the dinner dishes, the chickens, and the pool. They have a full plate of chores on Fridays and Saturdays, but we are happy to let them focus their time and energies elsewhere after so many years being faithful in our home.
Since January of 2006, I have been either pregnant, post partum, breastfeeding, or all of the above. We lost the first sweet baby but were expecting again three months later. We had that sweet guy and then were expecting (surprise!) five months later. Makes me tired just thinking about it.
I get really, really sick for the first 18 weeks of pregnancy, and life tends to fall apart around me. Just the essentials are tackled, but everything else falls way off the radar. For over two years now we have held to many of the same systems although our lives have changed dramatically. Two new babies, a new kindergarten student every other year, a baby clinging to life in the ICU, and many other small changes that warranted reorganizing the way our household was being run, but those alterations just never happened.
I began last Thursday night to take a serious look at what was going wrong. Seems we were accomplishing most things (granted, we aren't really studying much right now and it's a lot easier to focus on laundry, meals, and the house when there's no schooling going on) but I was doing all the brain work. I was having to think about what everyone was supposed to be doing at any given moment, and the mental work of it all was exhausting me. If I write it down, I eliminate the repeated mental work. That's step one.
Step two was to decide which areas needed immediate attention. I chose to begin with chores because our lives have been so full of change this year and the old chore assignments were beginning to be cumbersome. Additionally, I am losing my 13-year-old* to his dad's office in September, and so those remaining at home during the day will be 11, 9, 7, 4, 1, and Mighty Joe (3 months). That cute four-year-old currently has no regular chores, so she has just been promoted on paper.
An old and meaty post of Elizabeth Foss's got me to thinking through how I wanted to even present our chores. Did I want to do an Excel spreadsheet as I've done in the past, color coded so each child could see their chores at a glance? Or chore cards, a la the Maxwells? Both have worked well for us in the past.
I ended up doing something entirely different, really a fine meshing of both methods with a little Motivated Moms (see sidebar) thrown in for good measure. Elizabeth had done something similar, and I thought it an excellent addition to my chore repertoire. Oh, my kids are gonna love this! Mom staying on top of their chores! Yippee! I am kidding, you know. Don't start bashing yourself because you're kids aren't ecstatic about their chores. Mine tend to have good attitudes and helpful spirits, but they aren't as excited about them as I am.
Next post I'll share with you what our new system looks like and what each child is tackling. And guess what? I got my very own chore list, too. I was thinking of adding things like, "Drink a glass of cold ice tea" or "Lock bedroom door and take a 15 minute nap", but I knew my kids would quickly be onto me.
*I'll address what the 15-year-old and 13-year-old do all day at Dad's office in an upcoming post.
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The fun question:
What is your favorite summer salad recipe?
Panera's Fuji Chicken Salad. Oh wait! You meant one I make. Well, since my salad recipe repertoire contains exactly three salads, this isn't too hard.
Cindy's Salad
romaine, cut into chiffonade or shred
red onion, thinly sliced
bleu cheese, crumbled
poppyseed dressing
Seems like an odd combo, but if there is one salad I get asked for consistently, this is the one.
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And now the serious question:
My oldest just turned four, middle child just turned two, and the baby is 7 months. My question is, HOW ON EARTH do I wear them out?!! We play outside, spend time in the sun working in our “garden” (a patch of sunflowers,lol), play in the sprinkler or baby pool…these kids just have so much energy. Naptime is a nightmare and my four year old can not fall asleep. It is 10:15 as I write this and my four year old has been awake since we put her to bed two hours ago. The two year old head bangs at naptime and bedtime (we’ve already had him checked out by the neurologist and he’s fine physically). I think the key is for them to fall into bed physically exhausted, but I don’t know what to do. I’m exhausted–why aren’t they?!
Oh, and how do you keep the little ones from mischief while you’re nursing the new baby? That’s one I’ve never mastered!
-Andrea
Hi Andrea-
Take heart! When they're teenagers, they'll sleep a lot. In the meantime, I wouldn't insist the four-year-old sleep, but I would insist she rest quietly on her bed for two hours. YOU need her to rest ;D As for the nighttime, I would tell her the same thing as her naptime. She must be quiet on her bed. In fact, I might even allow a book for her to look at or a book on tape. And a nice cup of Sleepytime tea might not hurt. Or Benadryl. Just kidding!
Unless they're completely wiped out, my middle kiddos stay awake for at least an hour at night talking. I remember a guest in our home one night hearing them laugh for a while after they'd been sent to bed and asking, "Do they always do that? Are you ok with that?" Yep, we've always been ok with it. These are the relationship bonders that sibling memories are made of. You just need to decide if you're ok with it.
If the little ones can't stay out of mischief while you're nursing, it's time for some training. I would use my high chair or playpen and keep the older one(s) there while feeding the baby. We have a playpen set up in our bedroom right now so I can pump or nurse while the 15-month-old watches a video or just plays. He sometimes convinces an older sibling to get him out and play with him, but if not, he stays right where he is until baby and I are done.
~Kendra
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