An anonymous commenter asked the following questions, each of which I believe was sincerely asked. I am hoping I'm reading your heart correctly, anonymous, because I want to gently offer answers and not make you feel less "spiritual" for feeling the way you do. We all have miles and miles to go before we've "got it"; I'm no exception.
Question One: How do you get yourself to LIKE changing diapers and wiping noses?
I am squeamish. I don't like blood. I don't like spit. I don't like any body fluid that escapes the body. How my husband puts his hands in people's mouths all day long is a mystery to me.
Still, all that icky body fluid is just part of the job description we moms have. There are many other unpleasant tasks associated with my job I don't like either, but they simply have to be done and sometimes I'm the only one who can do them. I'm betting you are, too. So in my estimation we really have two choices. We can complain and grouch and moan every time a diaper blow-out occurs, or we can buck up, smile about it, and thank God we have babies to change. I know a whole lot of childless women who would change places with me in a heartbeat.
Question Two- How do you not let yourself feel jealous of the uninterrupted conversations your husband gets to have every day?
Personally, it's not the conversations I'm jealous of. It's the food. I finally told my husband to stop telling me about the lunches out he has with colleagues because he was spoiling my peanut butter and jelly sandwich- you know, the third one of the week...
Really though, I think this is a matter of expectations. More and more I realize that if my expectations are super low, then I am thrilled with the smallest thing that comes my way. I mean, there are all kinds of things to be jealous of- travel my friends get to take, clothes working women get to wear. Heck- these days I've found myself jealous of workout time moms with older kids have that I can't seem to fit in.
However, it is generally true that if I don't expect an uninterrupted conversation at church, then I won't be disappointed. If I go to church thinking I am going to get to catch up with all my friends there without having to take notice of any of my children, then I have set myself up to be disappointed. In this season of my life, God has called me to shepherd my children and to help my husband, and usually that means that he has more uninterrupted conversations than I do.
Question Three- Why does this post make me feel like I'm supposed to be like a child to my husband?
I don't know. But maybe it goes back to expectations. Are you expecting a 50/50 marriage like the world espouses? If so, I'd encourage you to search the Scriptures for that philosophy. I haven't found it there. What I have found is that the Bible teaches wives to respect their husbands and husbands to be like Christ and be willing to die for their wives. There is equality in our worth but there is differentiation in our roles. If a husband serving as your protection and head makes you feel like a child, then perhaps you need to change your expectations and ask God to give you the heart of a willing vessel.
Forgive this bit of a rabbit trail, but this reminds me of something my brother and his wife do- they try to "outserve" each other. His heart is to bless her and her heart is to bless him. Beautiful, isn't it? And perhaps you are frustrated because your husband hasn't ever thought to outserve you. Start praying for him and for your expectations at the same time. Or as I like to say, "Duck and let God hit your husband."
Question Four- If everyone helps makes the mess, why is it unspiritual for the mom to ask for help?
If you've read Preschoolers and Peace for any length of time, you'll know that I am a huge proponent of teaching children to work. I do believe that everyone needs to bless the family by pitching in and particularly by picking up after themselves. At the same time, I never, never, never want to become bitter because I have spent the vast majority of my life picking up after others. Let's face it: most children don't innately know how to tidy a room or pick up after themselves. Many are lazy and want someone else to do it for them. Some husbands are the same way. So the reality is, I do a lot of picking up after people.
Again, I have two choices. I can nag and moan and complain and whine that it's not fair (and I have, oh I have!) or I can take up my cross joyfully and serve my family and be a blessing as I continue to endeavor to train my children to do the same. I hate those comments made on sitcoms or on bumper stickers about training husbands. What a slap in the face, particularly if he is serving us by earning the money to even have a household for us to run.
So what I think it all comes down to is the heart. Doesn't it always? His job is to provide for his family by whatever means God has given him, and to know the state of his flocks (Proverbs 27:23). My job is to help him run the home and raise the family. At the end of a hard day doing his job, I don't want him to have to come home and do mine.