Can We Really Discover Joy in the Journey?
Ever ask yourself, "Exactly HOW do I find joy in this crazy journey???"
I received the following comment and wanted to share it with you all because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this precious mom is not alone. I myself have been there, am there to some degree myself these days, and so as difficult a question as this may be to answer, I know it's one we should dialogue about together:
Kendra,
I read your last post and your admitting you don’t have all the answers. I am hoping the Lord will grace you with an answer for me, because I desperately need one. I am a mom of preschoolers, 3 of them, and have no joy. Or peace for that matter.
Let me preface my question with a little bit of information. As I mentioned I have 3 preschoolers: Emma turned 4 in November, Nathanael will be 3 this week, & Maggie turned 1 in October. My husband is an active duty Marine & is currently deployed for the 3rd time in 3 years. By the time my husband returns home in late March we will have been in our current location for slightly less than 4 years, he’s been gone for slightly over 2 of them.
I homeschool, love the MOTH principles, love my children & most importantly love the Lord. Somewhere in the midst of potty training, teething, weeks on end of sick children, correction, training, more correction, I’ve lost my joy. Plain and simple. I can’t play- there are always a million things to do and to be honest I don’t want to. I feel like one really long showing of the movie Groundhog Day. My kids know it too.
How many more times will they have to tolerate the mommy got angry/please forgive my cycle? I have no family support close by & the majority of my friends are going through similar situations. I just want my children to know that I think they are terrific but somehow it gets lost in the translation of “stop playing at the dinner table,” “stop fighting”, “speak kindly”, “you may not hit”. So all of that to simply ask, "How do I find my joy in parenting, for my children's sake as well as my own?" I realize I’m asking a tall order, asking you to answer a question I can’t even answer myself.
♥
First, as I mentioned above, I want to assure you that you are not alone. So many of us have had seasons of despair and depression, discouragement and a lack of joy. In replying to you and wanting to give you some hope, my thoughts are so copious and so varied that I fear a lack of organization in trying to communicate. Bear with me.
There are some obvious questions and thoughts I have for you:
Preach the Gospel to yourself, every single day. And more. Remind yourself that it is finished, He did it all at the cross for you, and you are redeemed. There is nothing you can do to add to His perfection, and there is nothing you can do that will subtract from His love for you. You are accepted, worthy, identified with Christ, valued, and have a purpose because He has given you one.
In light of that knowledge, there are some other thoughts that came to mind, but none of them will change what I just wrote above.
-Are you reading God's Word regularly?
Since you like order and a routine as I do, you might like the Discipleship Journal Bible reading plan. By reading the Bible systematically, I am always amazed at God's goodness to speak to me through the day's passages.
-Are you passionately pursuing your relationship with Christ?
Do you read blogs, articles, or books on subjects of spiritual growth and the Christian life? Definitely not a requirement, but usually an encouragement to me. Do you run to God in prayer in moments of frustration or anger? Do you see Him as your ONLY source of hope?
-How are you spending your down time? Are you filling it with TV as an escape, or reading "fluff" books that provide a similar escape?
A little entertainment here or there is not a bad thing. Relying on it as a means to escape reality will leave you feeling bankrupt.
-Do you realize that not having your husband at home for a season is very, very difficult, and that were he there leading and helping your family you might not be feeling so discouraged?
I mention that because I know in the seasons when my husband has had his attention elsewhere for one reason or another, I just go about life as usual and then wonder why I'm so burnt out. When I get him back, I am amazed at the burden lifted by his resumed leadership and help. I don't know about you, but I get tired of being the only one making every little decision.
-Are you planning your day to hold things you love to look forward to?
I'm just figuring this one out. If there isn't something I like to do within the day, I burn out very quickly. I'll post about a fun thing I've thrown into our days later this week, but the gist is that I wanted to do some cooking and baking and so, by golly, we're cooking and baking!
Christian and me, circa 2007
We homeschooling moms are the "have to" parent. We "have to" clean up the breakfast mess, we "have to" start school, we "have to" correct math problems, we "have to" potty train, we "have to" make sure a high schooler's transcript is filled out correctly . . . get my drift?
I just want to be the "get to" parent more often. "Hey guys! We 'get to' go get Slurpees! We 'get to' play Wii bowling after lunch! We 'get to' swing on the hammock and read Calvin and Hobbes!" A little more "get to" in my day makes me happier.
-Are you taking care of yourself mentally, spiritually, and physically?
I was chatting with three girlfriends over dinner out last night and this subject came up. We all have a lot of children each, and the tendency to neglect ourselves is real and evident. Dana mentioned a fabulous post Elizabeth Foss recently wrote on this subject, and the following is apropos to our discussion here:
“It is not “laying down your life for your child” when you skip meals, skip sleep, skip exercise, skip showers, and skip private time for prayer. It’s suicide. You have to put on your oxygen mask before you can help them with theirs. Took me nine babies to learn that.”
Lastly, I keep a book I love in the bathroom for quick reading whenever I get a moment. It is called Champagne for the Soul {affiliate link} and is written by Mike Mason. There are many, many gems in the book, but the bottom line is that we have to take hold of joy, choose joy, and pursue real authentic joy that comes from abiding in Christ. Even in the weariest moments we can look to God, drop to our knees, and ask Him to give us His joy in abundance.
So the schoolwork might be less than stellar, the dishes might be in the sink at the moment, but we can have joy knowing that our salvation is secure and our loving Shepherd is walking alongside of us. But we will never have joy if we don't seek it in Jesus alone.
"Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: 'The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!'" -Psalm 118:15