Back in January, when I wrote this, I never intended to actually drop off the face of the blogging planet. I truly did think that I might at least be able to type out a few sentences once in a while. Kendra has been so very gracious and never once texted me to say HEY, WHERE ARE YOU?? And I love her for it.
Our family has been through the wringer the last five months. We are still on the road to adoption of two precious little girls through the foster system. It is a long road. We have been surprised by some of the medical things that we have discovered, that no one knew about, which have required more specialist appointments and testing. We have been worn down by the behavior problems that we have witnessed due to trauma and transition. We have been exhausted because of multiple night wakings and screaming. Lots and lots of screaming.
Because of all these things we have just been in survival mode. Trying to keep our older kids from totally falling apart, while giving the little girls what they need, too. And, of course, keeping our marriage healthy so that we aren’t strangers at the end of this road.
I have been faced with seeing the ugliest part of myself, which is probably the most painful. About a month ago, this is what I texted Kendra:
“What I really want to write about: How the hard things that God asks us to do will rip us apart and then He slowly puts us back together and we are raw and more complete and a different shade of the person we were before. One who no longer cares so much about what other people think, who might think a lot more swear words in her head, who loves more fiercely because she has been a shell of herself after being slammed in the face with all of her inadequacies and come out the other end knowing that she will never be enough, but God is always enough.”
So, this hard thing that God has asked us to do is truly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. All my former ideas about what is important have been torn down and God is slowly building me back up again. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Christ is the Rock on which I stand.
I really do hope that I can write here more often. If you’re ever curious about our life with seven kids, special needs, adoption, feel free to find me over on Instagram - @micheleonthemove I post there pretty frequently, about important things like my empty coffee cup or our new obsession Ticket To Ride.