I’m sitting on my couch during our family afternoon quiet time, with my laptop, while the air conditioning service guy services the air conditioner. I’m praying really hard that he doesn’t find anything wrong because, really, I’d rather spend $3000 on something else other than a new AC unit.
Right before I sat down in this spot, I was sitting on the other couch, talking to my husband, who works from home and was on his lunch break. And I wasn’t really talking, I was kinda whispering talking, hoping the kids wouldn’t hear me as they got settled down in their rooms. Because I was saying hard words, words that I don’t even like to think about because it makes my stomach hurt.
I was saying words like “I don’t know how I can possibly teach them.” “I feel completely ill-equipped to be their teacher.” “They are getting such a raw end of the deal.”
And I started talking about one student in particular, who I’m choosing not to name here. A difficult student for a variety of reasons and one that takes up over 50% of my regular teaching time. This is the student today that I told “If you don’t have a teachable heart, then I can’t be your teacher.”
As I talked to my husband, I started crying tears of extreme frustration. Frustration because I know that God asked us to homeschool. But is He still asking us to do this?
Frustration because I KNOW that sometimes we are asked to do things that are simply beyond our own abilities, but not beyond God’s ability to equip us.
Because I believe the above statement to be true, the frustration is great because I don’t KNOW how to do this. I don’t know what it’s going to look like to deal with this difficult student, plus all the other kids for the NEXT FOREVER.
Do I have a magic answer right now? No. But this is what I know and this is what I’m going to cling to: Regardless of my changing feelings and my frustrations, our God, who created each and every one of my children, remains unchanging. He is faithful, just, mighty, all-knowing, and full of love and grace. He’s got this covered.
Dearest reader, if you’re at the same place I am, may I suggest something? Sit down. Close your eyes. Breathe. God’s got this.
And here's a cute picture of a guinea pig. Remember the guinea pigs?