Bear with me; this is an extra long post...
Misty recently wrote in the comments:
I am so encouraged by your blog. We are actually due with our 3rd little girl on May 14th. I am preparing to plan for homeschool preschool. My hubby bought Teaching the Trivium for me today because we want to do classical education. I know the overall thought is to not push education too early, but my 4 yr old is so excited about doing “school” this next year. Do you have any suggestions? What would a typical day look like for your 4 yr old? What and how did you teach your children to read? What phonics program do you use?
These are such good questions.
Misty, I was once in your shoes. Really! I know it probably seems hard to imagine, but eleven years ago I, too, had a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a newborn (but mine were three boys!) I had never intended to homeschool. Ironic, isn’t it? My best friend was going to homeschool, so I bought her homeschooling magazines I found at the Christian bookstore, handed them to her and said with a snicker, “Have fun!”
But the Lord, in His wisdom, whispered in my ear, “Don’t close that door”. My husband and I looked at our four-year-old who lacked self control and realized that we had too much work to do in that little life to release him to a classroom yet. So I said, “What do you think about the idea of homeschooling for preschool?” To my surprise, he immediately said, “I think it’s a good idea”. We set forth with a reading book and some simple preschool things (none of which we use now, so I won’t even mention them), and lo and behold by the time May rolled around, the boy was reading. This posed a huge dilemma: Whatever would a boy with no self control who already knew how to read DO in a kindergarten classroom? There was no question—we were going to homeschool kindergarten, too.
Round about this time, a friend of ours was a principal of a local Lutheran school. We were sharing dinner together one night with him and his family when he said, “I’ve been looking into classical education. Ever heard of it?” And thus began our journey.
Shortly after our dive into classical education, Harvey and Laurie Bluedorn (authors of Teaching the Trivium) came to town and gave an evening workshop on Christian classical education. One of the aspects of education they proposed was, “Better late than early”. That’s not a direct quote, but it is definitely their approach to the grammar years. You can read their article "Ten Things to do Before Age Ten" to get a grasp of what they purport. We were shocked. Delay math? Why? My husband has his doctorate (he’s a dentist) and I have a bachelor’s—we’re both educated and the idea of delaying math seemed anti-education to us. But who were we to argue? Harvey and Laurie are no academic slouches, and they had graduated five students in their home.
Experience is often the best teacher. After seeing our own students grasp the basics of math without any problem, we realized that the best approach would be to ground them solidly in the non-abstract facts of math: money recognition and denomination, basic measurement using common household items they would encounter daily (rulers, measuring cups, etc.), addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. And until they had a solid understanding of these things, we wouldn’t move on to higher, abstract math. Interestingly, we now believe in this approach. We believe in it so strongly that we are ditching math altogether for our first grader who has been crying everyday over her inability to grasp mathematical concepts. I know it probably seems obvious—she’s six. Let it go. But were she in a classroom setting where one size fits all, she would already, at the ripe old age of six, be labeled “bad” at math. I know because that was me. It was a stigma I carried all the way into college where I sat in the math lab day after day convinced I just couldn’t do higher math. Pish posh!
But you didn’t ask about math, did you? And I am taking a really long route to answering your questions because I am hoping to give you the hindsight that is impossible to obtain until you have, well, hindsight. Here’s the thing: at four years old, what you want to begin to give your child is a love of learning. William Butler Yeats said, “Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire.” So the question should be, How do I light a fire for my firstborn and first student?
My four-year-old’s day mimics everyone else’s, because she is the sixth child. Every one of our children beyond the firstborn already had a “fire” lit because they wanted to do what the bigger kids were doing. They wanted to “do school”. So she does Circle Time right along with us, although I’m certain she retains not a lot. She does chores, she pulls out puzzles, she counts carrot sticks to put on each lunch plate. She “reads” books during her quiet hour, she listens to our read-alouds, she participates in P.E. She studies nature, she watches the educational videos we watch, and she falls into bed exhausted every night. Her fire is just beginning to burn, and I’m not about to put it out by sitting her down with a workbook and a phonics program unless I know she’ll enjoy it immensely.
That may sound like we don’t expect any guided learning to occur, but that’s not the case. In kindergarten we begin to learn phonics sounds, but we go about it in a leisurely, un-pressured way. We learn to write our letters, spell our name, and count and sort. It is just the beginning.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have a 15-year-old who has read more great literature than my husband and I combined (and we’re both serious readers), is poised to finish his high school work a year early, has three years of Latin under his belt, writes novels in his spare time, plays on a competitive water polo team, and just last week earned six college coursework units. Beginning slowly doesn’t mean finishing slowly.
I am happy to tell you which phonics program we use (TATRAS), which kindergarten workbooks (Rod and Staff), and other favorites (Art With a Purpose, Veritas Press). But the bottom line is, if I could give you any tiny bit of wisdom I might possess in this arena, it would be: concentrate on what matters most. Ground your little one in the Word of God. Help her to become a godly young girl. Light a fire in all aspects of learning. And go slowly. Before you know it, she will be 15. I promise.
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Hey Kendra!
I am going on 37 weeks pregnant now and I am needing some ideas for keeping my girls occupied (4.5 yrs and 19 mos.) while I am in bed recuperating the first few weeks. I don't want them getting bored and getting into mischief so I need activities they can do while I am in bed or on the couch supervising them.
Thanks so much for any help you can give. I really appreciate your wisdom and practical advice. Hope all is well with your pregnancy.
~Andrea
Hi Andrea-
I had a friend who had to be on bed rest for all four of her pregnancies. She would park herself on the couch for the day, fill a cooler with snacks and drinks the kids could help themselves to, and put up a gate to keep them all within her reach. The children were close in age- four in six years- so she had a ready supply of DVDs, books, toys, and coloring books, but she doled them out one at a time.
While you won't be bedridden, the idea of having things close at hand and prepared so you don't have to think on the spot is a good one. In that vein, I would also have breakfast ready to go the night before. Even having cereal bowls, spoons, and the cereal set out on the table is one less thing to think about.
Make sure you are drinking all the water you need throughout the day as well as getting enough protein in whatever form you can. Almonds in a bowl so you can grab them, peanut butter on crackers, etc. can help you get through the first weeks and still keep you nourished and hydrated.
And this might seem obvious, but don't start anything new. No new school plans. No new projects. No potty training!
Blessings,
~Kendra
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Some of you are wanting to keep your kiddos in the worship service, and for you I wrote a page called In God's House. Recently I received this email from Debbie:
Kendra,
My husband and I were just talking this morning about changing family worship around to
one extended time in the evening instead of what we currently do which is twice a day about 20 minutes each time. We thought that it might be helpful in training the children to sit for longer periods of time.
Our children are 7,5,3,1, and another one due in September. I appreciate your advice because you have experience. Have you tried this? Does it work better to have shorter times twice a day or one longer time? What has been the most helpful thing for you in training your kids for corporate worship?
-Debbie
Hi Debbie-
You've got some tough ages no matter the amount of time. Is your church set up so that you could bring in a booster chair (like the kind you put at the table with its own little tray and a belt to keep baby in) and have the one-year-old in it? My friend Lisa is doing that with her two-year-old with great success. You could train the one-year-old to sit there and color or look at a book during your family worship, and then you'd have a fighting chance with the three-year-old while at the same time your belly is growing! That's where I am now; I cannot physically hold the one-year-old on my lap in church right now and my husband's responsibilities of serving communion, doing the call to worship, etc. keep him from being able to help (like yours!) What do you think?
I know that doesn't directly answer your question, but really I just think you have two toughies at the bottom end. And nothing is ever perfect-- the seven-year-old needs a Kleenex, the five-year-old falls off his/her chair (this has happened twice to us), the three-year-old wants Daddy, the one-year-old is being one...
Bottom line? Do what works. For some people that also means utilizing older children to help. I have strong feelings about that; I'm the mom. But if it would be helpful in your household, then perhaps think about setting someone next to your oldest.
-Kendra
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Big Sis loves to carry Little Bro around the yard, and he doesn't seem too unhappy about it 
Kathy is a gentle homeschooling mom of eight (most of whom are now adults) that I count as a sweet friend from church. Recently she shared at our homeschool encouragement day about her struggles through the years-- high expectations she had put upon herself and her journey to trusting the Lord to lead their homeschooling endeavors and days.
Thank you for sharing and being so willing to open your heart and be
transparent! I've been in that place SO many times over the years... and it's
always a struggle wrestling with what I think I should do and what I want to
do! Here's a few things we've done in years past. Hopefully, they'll
encourage you!!
1. I've set our usual stuff aside, kicked back in a comfy chair and read a
good book to the children... or better yet, got it from the library on tape.
The children can color or draw while I'm reading. After our reading time, we
discuss the book together, especially about the character's good and bad
qualities. Then later, I may have them write a short paragraph about
something they have learned from it, stand up before the family and share
something about the book they liked/learned, or fill out a book report
form/draw pictures.
2. Sometimes I'm too tired to read to them, so I have them read a good book
independently and do one of the above.
3. I've picked out a time period in history and gotten videos from the
library (or other sources) and just spent a week or so watching them. We did
this with Ken Burn's "The West" series and also his "Civil War" series. I
would usually have library books on the subject handy too. Then hopefully,
as the children's interest was pricked by the videos, they picked up the
library books and dug deeper on their own.
4. Some days, when I'm feeling very pressured, we do minimum school days.
This usually seems to happen when my housework or yardwork has finally
gotten so out of hand that I'm totally distracted by it. On these days,
everyone does their math, then we all clean house until things are back in
order... sometimes this takes a week or two!! The rest from the burden of
school planning and a clean house do wonders for me!! :)
5. Suspend all academic work and memorize sections of scripture for
awhile... the older ones can help the younger ones... with prizes for
word-perfect memory work as incentive. The fear of the Lord is the beginning
of wisdom!!
6. In desperate situations... often pregnancy induced :), we've just stopped
school for awhile. We may take two years to get through a one year textbook
or subject, but the children do well... sometimes retaining things better!
There are just times, for our own health and especially the health of our
unborn children, that we need to take a break and not let guilt rob us of
the rest our heavenly Father desires to provide. When Karis was born
(mid-April 1997), I tried to continue schooling afterward, but had trouble
nursing, struggled emotionally and finally gave up in exhaustion. I put
everthing away, and didn't begin again until Sept. It was a wonderful
much-needed break! The children loved it, our little baby thrived, and I was
refreshed and ready to begin again after my long rest!
Kendra, I hope this encourages and helps you somehow!!! I'm sure though, that
they're all things you've thought of. I guess if there's one thing I would
say looking back from this point in life, it would be: Ask the Lord to make
clear what He would have you to do. Talk with your husband and be open to
his counsel. And if lead to stop for a season and begin again later, trust
the Lord to work and instruct our little ones even when we are "resting".
Our God is faithful!!!
I'm still praying for you!!!!
In Him,
Kathy
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Those words are like a breath of fresh air, aren't they? Having gleaned from all of these ladies (and several others) that I needed to ask the Lord where to revamp, we have made a few changes:
1. Prayer. I am far more apt to drop my head into my hands and pray when I am feeling discouraged, tired or overwhelmed. And I know this is why God presses me-- I'm a can-do girl who tends to fall back on my own strength. It's never really worked well for me, but I'm just daft enough to need my gentle Shepherd to prod me back under His loving care.
2. I actually added two more things to Circle Time- history and science. Typically those subjects are done in the afternoon (history on Mondays and Tuesdays, science on Wednesdays and Thursdays), but taking them off the afternoon docket has been a good thing.
3. Caffeine. Lipton Blackberry Iced Tea sweetened with Xylitol. Yum.
4. Follow-through. I'm not certain this was mentioned by anyone, but it was definitely something that needed my attention. I'm working really, really hard at following-though on discipline, school work, and chores, even when it takes me 15 seconds to roll my big belly off the couch.
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More responses from generous friends:
Alas, I live far too far away to come for a dip but, oh, how I have milk
bottle legs (much too white!) that are in desperate need of a tan!
When we have had seasons to shift things up:
~3 subjects that we determine must be done everyday: for us, math,
grammar, Latin -- limit them to 30 minutes each--set the timer.
~have a goal time to head outside (1.5 hrs after beginning)--remind kids.
Offer juice/treat if everyone meets the goal time.
~Then read, read, read---outside. Everyone feels a change of pace, we still
are getting circle time, and history, geography, science--etc---but doing it
outside gives everyone a change of scenery (read for another 1.5 hr
outside).
Done by lunch then...
Works for us crazy Canucks to the north who are hanging in there with
school, some kids doing school on Sat. so that "we can get more summer."
~grin~
HANGETH THOU IN THERE, O KENDRA!!!!!!!!
He's got you in His grip!
All's grace...
Ann
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Gosh I wish had a bowl of wisdom for you. Or at least a good drink. But
I know the greatest way to help is through prayer. With that the two
times that come to mind semi recently, where I have or had to pare down
school and/or my life was traveling and last April. For traveling I
bought a vocab book at 3 different grade levels that was a fun word
game type thing. The kids loved it. Still do. Kept them reading, and
doing a little fill in type writing. And I bought math crossword
puzzles from Scholastic to keep up their math facts. They read books and
journaled our vacation.
Last April I was emotional, spent, confused at the direction we were
headed. I prayed and prayed and then stopped school all together
(except 15 minutes for my phonics kid). I was ready to jump back into
school by mid August with a clear vision of where we were headed but
still waited until after Labor Day to start. I probably sound like a
slacker but I was new woman come September and I am so thankful that I
did stop. I do believe I accomplished more later because I stopped when
I did. I know now it was the season I was in (I was worried it was me
being irresponsible) because I feel so differently this year. This gave
me time and energy to take care of myself and other 'stuff'.
Where's your outside help? Anyone there to do easy stuff for you in the
afternoon so you can do the stuff in the morning hours that you feel
only you can do? Will the kids really be that behind if you do all you
can by 2 and then be done?
I'd tell you to remember to sleep, because the lack of sleep will zap your
energy, but if you're too uncomfortable that wouldn't help at all :)
Drink your water! Brain function lags and headaches ensue due to lack
of hydration.
I am praying (and have been). At least if none of my ideas helped you
know I am praying.
Dana
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