Posts in Life with Preschoolers
Breastfeeding Problems
You all wrote so many incredible questions that I actually had to categorize them so I could wrap my brain around them. Then I told Lisa since she got me into this, she needs to help me with the answers, so you all can look forward to some helpful answers from my always-elusive friend Lisa who really does exist even though she doesn't blog and never comments here. What's with that??? Two of you wrote some very funny questions and so I thought I'd answer one of those each time I answer the serious questions, just to keep things light. From Vicki: How do you choose baby names? The short version: Randomly. I mean, we know that God takes names very seriously now, but when we were starting out, no one had ever really challenged us with that thought. The long version (Potentially boring. Feel free to skip.): So our firstborn was named for my husband's closest three friends at the time, the second boy was a name we liked plus my mother-in-law's maiden name, the third was named for my brother and grandfather but is called something entirely different (go figure). Our first daughter's name was one we liked the Biblical meaning of, but her middle name came about because the then-four-year-old approached me one day and said, "I think her name should be --- ---". "Really?", I replied. "Why do you think that?" "Because God told me", he said. Well, OK, then. Not sure whether he had a word from the Lord or not, but the story is fun to tell and the kids get a kick out of it. Fifth is a girl with a name we like plus her middle name is Joy because we wanted to clearly communicate to the naysayers that we thought a fifth child was a joy! Sixth is named after a family friend and has the most unusual name of the bunch. Most people say, "Huh?" or call her something entirely different. Seventh is named Christian because, um, well, because we're Christians... and the last little guy was named for his grandfather on one side and great-great grandfather on the other. And now for the serious question (although Vicki was probably being serious when she asked about the names, but it was a fun and easy one to answer all the same): My name is Rebecca and I live in Washington State with my husband and our four preschoolers; Daniel (5.5), Michael (almost 4), Mercy (2) and Josiah (2 months). Your recent post about leaving your older kids in charge while you left them for the day was so awesome- Just to think of being able to do that some day with mine was like a window into the beautiful future of training these little ones up! (from Kendra- YES! I am so glad it encouraged you because I was there not so long ago and I remember thinking, "This is gonna be SO great!" Hang in there!) My question is about nursing. You mentioned in one of your recent posts that you were pumping every three hours to help your newest little guy stay fed. Are you unable to breastfeed? Or are you doing pumping to increase your supply? After successfully nursing my oldest three, I was a little confused at why I've had trouble nursing my fourth little guy. He has a pretty small mouth, has gained weight slowly and takes a long time to eat. At two weeks my milk supply kind of disappeared and I spent the next two weeks nursing, pumping and bottle feeding the expressed milk to help him gain weight and to help increase my supply. Now, at two months, his weight is much better and I'm not pumping 'round the clock but I'm still thinking he could be a better nurser if maybe I helped him more with his latch or something... Before I had Josiah, I knew that nursing was difficult for some women and some babies but I hadn't experienced that with my own. I am just curious to know what struggles you and your babies have had or are having and what you have tried to do to remedy them. I have enjoyed nursing my babies for the sweet bonding time it brings as well as for the health benefits the babies receive but this time around nursing has been more of a struggle and painful physically as well. I'd appreciate any thoughts you have! May God bless you and yours today, -rebecca After fifteen years of breastfeeding babies, it still amazes me that most first time moms are not told how difficult breastfeeding can be. I was one of them and I thought, "It's natural. It's just what babies do." Except mine didn't. Even the lactation consultant at the hospital (a BIG San Francisco hospital that saw lots of births) told me he was the laziest baby she'd ever seen. Great. I was a 22-year-old first time mom who tried my best but ultimately stopped pumping for him when he was six weeks old and just went to formula. Part of the reason was that I was in terrible pain and part of it was that I didn't see a reason to keep at it. I don't regret the decision, and oddly enough he is one of our few children without food allergies. He was a healthy baby and is super smart, so there go all the reasons to have breastfed him, eh? With every single baby breastfeeding has been excruciatingly painful until about six weeks. Time after time I was told I must not be getting them to latch on correctly, but when I would seek help from LLL, consultants, or midwives, they would tell me everything looked great. This is one of the reasons I wish the "experts" would stop telling moms that "if done right, breastfeeding doesn't hurt". I'm sorry, but at least for me, that's not true. It wasn't until our seventh that I realized (ok, yes, I'm a little slow) that my anatomy factored into all of this in a significant way. When I contacted yet another lactation specialist last year and told him that I had never seen this issue addressed in any breastfeeding literature, he told me that in all his experience, he's had two moms like me. TWO. Wow. And his advice? I must do whatever it takes to keep baby nursing eventually if that's what's important to me, and if that means pumping until baby's mouth can handle my, um, size, then that's the way it is. I could have hugged this man if he wasn't all the way up in Canada! Finally, an expert who realized that I wasn't doing anything wrong, and that given my God-given features, it would hurt anyway. So when our little guy came along last month, I knew that once my milk came in, I would pump until about six weeks. It is a huge commitment, as you know, but I am willing to stick it out because I know the benefits all the way around are so worth it. But here's the deal. It's not a hill I am going to die on. If little Joe doesn't latch on this week (he's six weeks today), I am not going to make it the central issue of my life. There are seven other children in this home who need me equally, and to continue to make breastfeeding an idol would bring no benefit to anyone. I fully expect him to breastfeed as the others have, but if he doesn't, that's ok. I might cry a little because I'm a mom and that's what we do, but I realize that breastfeeding alone does not make me a good mom. There are many, many, many other facets of mothering Joe that will contribute to a healthy childhood as a whole. I'm not sure how my answer will help you in your situation, Rebecca, but I will pray for you and ask the Lord to give you wisdom. And for the pain to subside as well! Peace, Kendra
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Life with Preschoolers, Life with a New Baby, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments
Scented Dough
There are lots of recipes out there for homemade play dough, and although we've tried several, we've never loved any enough to make the savings worth it to us. On top of that, I really, really don't like PlayDoh. Ever tried to get it out of carpet? To me, the mess isn't worth the play, but you might feel differently and that's entirely ok. I have a young artist friend and mom whose children create wonderful things every day, and she once asked me, "You aren't one of those boring Wikki Stix moms, are you?" Why yes, as a matter of fact I am. And I don't feel badly about it. I am also a kit-buying mom, so my kids do get some creative time and have produced enough art to blanket the neighborhood in drawing paper. Because of my PlayDoh-hating confession, you might feel as my friend Lisa did when I told her I have found a play dough I love. She was in shock. But it's true, and it just took a company that would add scent to make me love this stuff. Here it is:

Lakeshore Learning produces and sells this fruity scented dough and I am in serious love with it. I relegated two old jellyroll pans to the use of scented play dough, and when it had completely dried out by the end of last year, I thought, "Oh good! I can buy some new ones in the fall!"

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Educating at Home, Life with Preschoolers, ResourcesKendra Comments
Leaving the Older Ones in Charge
When we have to leave for a portion of the day, the older ones are happy to run things. Making a list or schedule helps them to know what to do, and it gives them the ability to tell a little one, "This is what Mom and Dad said you need to be doing". Everything runs much more smoothly, and we can call them at any given moment and ask where they are on the day's list. When we had little Joe two weeks ago, we left six of the seven at home with this list: GOOD MORNING! • Breakfast—French Toast Casserole • Breakfast Clean-up: H- clean up Ch, play with him, change his diaper N- counters and table J- dishes, including helping C put the high stuff away C- clear table and empty dishwasher A- floor (somebody help her!) • Pray together. H lead by reading the Proverb for the day. • Chores. DON’T SKIMP ON YOUR CHORES! Work as if you are working for God, because you ARE! • Math- C do your math puzzle, and only do the ones (1 + 3= 4, etc.). A with J (J do math, A do clay. Help her pick it up and put it away when she’s done). C with N. • C goes down for nap at 11:00 • PE- N lead this. • Everyone clean bedrooms except J. J- help the boys and do the hallway. You’ll clean your room after C wakes up. • Get C up at 12:30, change his diaper • Lunch- sandwiches on Schroeder bread, chips • Lunch clean-up: same as breakfast! • Quiet Hour. C with J. A on my bed with books. • C down for nap at 3. • After Quiet Hour, do the rest of your schoolwork. When it is finished: Boys- take turns with computer games Girls- Short video, then you may go to Grammy and PopPop’s • Make sure you talk to Grammy and PopPop about what they want you to do for dinner. • Get C up at 5! Change his diaper! We love you ALL! Pray for us, and for your new baby brother, too. Dad will be calling you throughout the day to make sure everything is ok.
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Chores, Home Organization, Life with Preschoolers, ResourcesKendra Comments
Be Kind to One Another

 

Dear Kendra, I have been wanting to contact you for a while, and I am sure you will be very busy to reply with your new little one coming so soon. Actually, I am due about a week after you, so I do understand if you can't reply. However, the reason I have been wanting to contact you is I wanted to ask you if you have experienced your children being less than pleasant with each other, and I don't mean verbally or physically mean but just snappy or impatient with each other, and if you have how have you worked on the problem? I have usually very kind and happy children- they are 11 1/2, 10, 6, and 3. As you will know how horribly uncomfortable you feel in the last few weeks of pregnancy, I just haven't had the energy, patience or the ability to jump on their behaviour, which is then getting me down because it is not how I want my children to be with each other, although I do try but somedays it just seems to go right over their heads and nothing I say is sinking in, even when I ask them, "What do you think Jesus would be thinking of this behaviour?" I do think it is because I have not been consistant with them in working out a way to deal with it at the time, due to tiredness and just plain frustration. Bless you and your family, I will be praying for you for the safe delivery of your wee babe, and will be checking in on your site for a photo when he arrives. Kind regards and God Bless, Angela Dear Angela- The short answer is, "Yes". As I got to thinking about what the long answer might be, I realized that at its root, the unkindness we see exhibited in our children is simply sin. After more than 15 years of parenting, I don't know why I am still surprised when my children's sin manifests itself in the myriad of ways that it does. I do know that I need to dish out heaps more sympathy than I do, because after almost 38 years of dealing with my own sin, I still get weary of battling my flesh every day. So, when I can see their impatience with one another, their snippy words, their unkind put-downs, I have to deal with the root of everything. When I don't know what to do or say, my husband reminds me to always rely on Scripture. He reminds me of verses like Hebrews 4:12-- "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." God's Word will not return void, and it will convict their hearts. Isaiah 55:11-- "So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." We begin and end with Scripture. In the middle, however, we do some practical things to correct and admonish, always attempting to remember the sin that lies underneath the behavior. And prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. One of our common Circle Time questions is, "What are you working on?", to which each of us shares a struggle we are having and then we pray for each other. A little over a year ago I answered another reader's question on the same topic. I'll take the newborn baby excuse to simply cut and paste here, because I don't think my answers on practical application have really changed. I will, however, tell you that we are still working on these things in our home. Little by little, precept upon precept we are plugging away. From the post entitled, "How Do You Get Them All to Get Along?": "Recently Lisa (my best friend) and I were discussing the unkind words our children exchange with one another. She told me she’s been addressing the offending parties with the following question, “Were you being as kind as possible?” That tends to get to the heart of everything, and I find that the answer is usually, “No”, from all parties involved. From there we can move on to addressing other attitudes and wrong actions, and then set to work apologizing and working to solve the problem, like perhaps making all guilty parties work at cleaning up the mess together (or whatever the issue was). But we are also extremely proactive, or at least we try to be. From the day each baby is born, we tell the children that they are best friends. We watch for outside relationships that might take a child’s heart away from his siblings, and we even put the kibosh on friendships that have developed that take precedence over sibling relationships. If they are being kinder to a friend than to a sibling, we take a serious hiatus from the friendship. We also do a lot together. School, reading aloud, projects, family movie night… Our desire is that our home be a place that is so exciting, so fun, and so attractive to our children that they won’t be looking around for someplace else to be those things to them. Or worse, looking around for friends to validate and love them because they have ample validation, love, and acceptance from their parents and siblings. And we do observe a daily quiet hour in which no one is allowed to be near anyone else. We all take a book or two and find a couch, bed, hammock, or floor where no one else is. At the end of the time alone, we are usually refreshed and ready to enter into life together again. I have asked adults I know who have healthy, dynamic relationships with their siblings and parents what their years growing up were like. Were they always best friends? Did they squabble a lot? What did their parents do to foster a close bond between them all? Many have answered that no, they weren’t always as close as they are now, yes they did argue, and yes, their parents regularly communicated that they were going to be best friends. Their parents also put family above their own friendships and worked hard to make their family circle very close. Sometimes when I feel I am growing weary of refereeing squabbles, I try to envision our lives in 10 to 20 years. I like to see a barn filled with our adult kids, their spouses, their children, and close friends. Thanksgivings, Christmases, and summer bashes have the potential of being riotously fun, but those things don’t just happen on their own. Left to our selfishness, we would be a family marked by strife, irritation, and solitude. By the grace of God, we are working diligently on our personal areas of sin and on not allowing those sins to consume us or our friendships with each other. And our greatest goal is that our family brings glory to God!"
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Life with Preschoolers, Training Little OnesKendra Comments
Bumps in the Road

Our sweet little guy will be one week old tomorrow. Bliss! He is quiet, sleepy, and precious. Lots of dark hair, a round little kissable face. There are bumps along the way, of course. His brother just above him doesn't walk or talk yet- two babies! The first time he saw Joseph, he crawled over to him and whacked him on the head. No mean-spiritedness, just a curious, clueless 14-month-old. I can remember when our second-born, notoriously zealous and overly-affectionate toward his younger brother, would approach the littler fellow and the third-born would cringe at his coming. History may just repeat itself. I have a fantastic helper who is here three days a week. She runs laundry, cuts hair, preps meals, and is a kind, energetic presence in our home. Poor gal fell yesterday and severely broke her arm. Suddenly I find myself without all of her helpfulness. My mom had planned to come and take the girls for a fun few days together, but she was hit with a terrible cold this weekend. Do you see a trend here? God has something to teach me. My brother (both brothers are pastors) in Texas called the other day and said, "You know, this is good for you. You needed to experience having babies close together so you can encourage those young moms from your own experience." And it's true. Hopefully after the next year or two ahead, I'll have some experience to pass along that can be a boost to other moms along the way. I am not perfect. I have had moments of overwhelmed emotionalism this week, wondering how in the world I am going to handle life without my husband here come Monday. If you remember the last baby and my nursing woes, I am there again, pumping every three hours to keep this little one fed. I just couldn't see how I was going to manage that, a 14-month-old, and six others. Ah, BUT. I emailed my faithful friend Cheryl and asked her to pray and as usual I got far more than just an assurance of prayer. She spoke God's Word strongly, as she is prone to doing. She wrote things like, "I will pray, specifically, that the Lord would show you "the way of escape" that He has already provided for you. Isn't that incredible? Knowing that all of this would happen... knowing that your post partum hormones give you grief... knowing ALL that, God has gone before you, Kenj, to prepare a way of escape from the temptation so that you will be able to ENDURE it. I wish I could tell you that He promises that it will be easy to get through this short season, but He does promise that you can ENDURE it. " I have thanks to give to my other faithful friends who are praying, bringing me chocolate and chai, and standing with me in encouragement and sisterhood. Thanks Heather, Smidge, and Jen. Thanks also to my stellar sister-in-law Laura who is always hands-down the most excited family member I have whenever we announce a pregnancy. When she called me yesterday she said, breathlessly, as if Joseph were our first and not our eighth, "I just think it's such a miracle!" Every baby should garner awe like that. My friend Dana has titled her blog "The Sunny Side of the Room" because she says she shows us the sunny side of her life. Are you all acutely aware that blogs shine the sunny side most of the time, and when we feel we're not measuring up it's likely because we're not also seeing the gloomier days? I never want the readers of Preschoolers and Peace to think that there are no struggles here. Like you, I am working out my salvation, leaning in, pressing in HARD to my Savior, because His power is perfected in my weakness. And I have plenty of weaknesses. Tomorrow begins my journey as a homeschooling mom of eight. I'll let you know how it goes :)
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Life with Preschoolers, Nurturing MomsKendra Comments