In "Developing an Eternal Perspective- Part Four", an anonymous commenter asked the following questions, each of which I believe was sincerely asked. I am hoping I'm reading your heart correctly, anonymous, because I want to gently offer answers and not make you feel less "spiritual" for feeling the way you do. We all have miles and miles to go before we've "got it"; I'm no exception. Just ask this friend. Or this one. This one. Yep, this one. And my non-blogging friends, too. Question One: How do you get yourself to LIKE changing diapers and wiping noses? I am squeamish. I don't like blood. I don't like spit. I don't like any body fluid that escapes the body. How my husband puts his hands in people's mouths all day long is a mystery to me. Still, all that icky body fluid is just part of the job description we moms have. There are many other unpleasant tasks associated with my job I don't like either, but they simply have to be done and sometimes I'm the only one who can do them. I'm betting you are, too. So in my estimation we really have two choices. We can complain and grouch and moan every time a diaper blow-out occurs, or we can buck up, smile about it, and thank God we have babies to change. I know a whole lot of childless women who would change places with me in a heartbeat. Question Two- How do you not let yourself feel jealous of the uninterrupted conversations your husband gets to have every day? Personally, it's not the conversations I'm jealous of. It's the food. I finally told my husband to stop telling me about the lunches out he has with colleagues because he was spoiling my peanut butter and jelly sandwich- you know, the third one of the week... Really though, I think this is a matter of expectations. More and more I realize that if my expectations are super low, then I am thrilled with the smallest thing that comes my way. I mean, there are all kinds of things to be jealous of- travel my friends get to take, clothes working women get to wear. Heck- these days I've found myself jealous of workout time moms with older kids have that I can't seem to fit in. However, it is generally true that if I don't expect an uninterrupted conversation at church, then I won't be disappointed. If I go to church thinking I am going to get to catch up with all my friends there without having to take notice of any of my children, then I have set myself up to be disappointed. In this season of my life, God has called me to shepherd my children and to help my husband, and usually that means that he has more uninterrupted conversations than I do. Question Three- Why does this post make me feel like I'm supposed to be like a child to my husband? I don't know. But maybe it goes back to expectations. Are you expecting a 50/50 marriage like the world espouses? If so, I'd encourage you to search the Scriptures for that philosophy. I haven't found it there. What I have found is that the Bible teaches wives to respect their husbands and husbands to be like Christ and be willing to die for their wives. There is equality in our worth but there is differentiation in our roles. If a husband serving as your protection and head makes you feel like a child, then perhaps you need to change your expectations and ask God to give you the heart of a willing vessel. Forgive this bit of a rabbit trail, but this reminds me of something my brother and his wife do- they try to "outserve" each other. His heart is to bless her and her heart is to serve him. Beautiful, isn't it? And perhaps you are frustrated because your husband hasn't ever thought to outserve you. Start praying for him and for your expectations at the same time. Or as I like to say, "Duck and let God hit your husband." Question Four- If everyone helps makes the mess, why is it unspiritual for the mom to ask for help? If you've read Preschoolers and Peace for any length of time, you'll know that I am a huge proponent of teaching children to work. I do believe that everyone needs to bless the family by pitching in and particularly by picking up after themselves. At the same time, I never, never, never want to become bitter because I have spent the vast majority of my life picking up after others. Let's face it: most children don't innately know how to tidy a room or pick up after themselves. Many are lazy and want someone else to do it for them. Some husbands are the same way. So the reality is, I do a lot of picking up after people. Again, I have two choices. I can nag and moan and complain and whine that it's not fair (and I have, oh I have!) or I can take up my cross joyfully and serve my family and be a blessing as I continue to endeavor to train my children to do the same. I hate those comments made on sitcoms or on bumper stickers about training husbands. What a slap in the face, particularly if he is serving us by earning the money to even have a household for us to run. So what I think it all comes down to is the heart. Doesn't it always? His job is to provide for his family by whatever means God has given him, and to know the state of his flocks (Proverbs 27:23). My job is to help him run the home and raise the family. At the end of a hard day doing his job, I don't want him to have to come home and do mine.

May I share with you some wisdom my husband emailed to me at a particularly stretching time of my life? I have edited some of what he wrote for personal content, but I thought the remainder might bless you, too, today.

So, somewhere along the way you got the idea that you can do it all.

Here's your reminder: you can't do it all... stop trying.

Expect to not accomplish much today!

Expect frustration!

Expect both sets of workers (we were renovating bathrooms at the time) to show up late or not show up at all.

Expect the tile guy to call with bad news.

Expect H, N, J, A, and C to act like they are the only child in the world.

Expect your faith to be tested and stretched.

Expect to be utterly exhausted by the time I come home.

Expect to want to run away from all of your responsibility.

Expect to believe that you stink at all you are doing.

Expect to believe that you are not making a difference and that what you do is never enough.

Expect no one to be appreciative of you.

Expect Satan to sell a lie to you today that "your life would be better if..."

Then when you are done expecting those things, remember a few others:

Remember that Christ sits on the throne.

Remember that He takes pure joy in you and wants you to take pure joy in Him, even in the midst of trials and temptations.

Remember that even if they don't say it, every kid in this house loves you and would be hopelessly lost without you.

Remember that I love you and would be hopelessly lost without you.

Remember that you and I only see each other during the crummiest part of the day.

Remember that Barbara Bush was from deep oil money. (I was reading her biography at the time and wondering how she did all she did)

Remember that H is smart, N is strong, J is sweet, A wants to be like you, C is pure joy, and A needs everything you can give her.

Remember that you could be working at my office and hear about dysfunctional families, corrupt marriages, that “men are p*gs”, and the rest of the stuff I hear...

God tells us that "He KNOWS the plans that He has for us". Not only does He know them, He wanted them for us. It's more then just allowing them; He sovereignly chose them for us, so whatever He brings down the pike today- expect it.

Phew! That gave me a good shot in the arm. How about you?

From Katie:

Thank you for mentioning to me (a while back) that you have your smaller ones stay in bed until 8:00. I have an early riser who would get up at 5:45 sometimes and that would begin my day. I recently have been having the girls stay in their beds until 7:00 and we are all much happier and they are more rested. They even sleep longer now, at times, because they know they have to be there until 7:00. I set their alarm for 7:00 and when they come in to get me we're all a happy group (we used to be a grumpy group when they woke up particularly early).

I thought this would be a hard transition, but it's actually been so easy! I don't know how you do it, but I let them take some books to bed at night so they have something to do in the morning if they wake up early. Just wanted to thank you and I also thought that this might be a great topic for a blog because it has really improved my life.

Some time ago I just came to grips with the fact that I don’t do mornings well. I’ve heard all the rhetoric but I don’t buy it; I’ve heard the sermons, I’ve read the devotionals and the blogs that equate early mornings with better spirituality, but I just can’t agree. For me, seven hours of sleep most often happens between 1 a.m. and 8 a.m.

And so I have trained my little ones to stay in their rooms until at least 7:30. Many times they hop on my bed and cuddle with me and the nursing baby, other times they get going on their morning stuff. It works for us. Our days look like an early-riser’s day, the hours are just shifted a little later.

I think I learned this early. My mom used to put a cup of Cheerios in my crib and that bought her an extra 30 minutes in the morning

Most importantly, what works for you?

I posted late last night on an educational board I frequent. I asked for help because I have a difficult time being a kind mom when the pressure is on. Are you surprised? I hope not. Those who know me well know I struggle in this area and have asked for prayer.

Several things were mentioned. Jodi reminded me to take my own advice (thanks, Jodi!) and to re-evaluate my goals. Point well taken. MFS reminded me to both acknowledge the fact that my children are getting a superior education (and thus to relax) and to embrace the moment I am in. In other words, give the child I am with my full attention, give the laundry my best work when it is time to do the laundry, and throw myself into dinner preparation when it is necessary to take on that task, as well, but not to fret about the things I am not doing when I am not doing them! In other words, as she so succinctly put it, “One of my parenting mantras works well as everyday advice: Focus on the moment you're in. If you're in that moment, in that transaction with your child, whatever it is, the phone and the laundry have no place.”

Others agreed. And they’re right. As I re-evaluate the goals we have for each child and for ourselves individually and as a family, I will remember to take each thing as it comes.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34

Recently my boys and I watched Chariots of Fire. One of the story’s main characters is Eric Liddell, a Scottish missionary’s son, raised in China. Eric desires to return to China to serve God there but at the same time is trying to reconcile the fact that God has given him great speed as a runner. I was so struck by the counsel his father gives him in the movie:

“You can praise God by peeling a spud if you peel it to perfection. Don’t compromise. Compromise is a language of the devil. Run in God’s name and let the world stand back and wonder.” Indeed.