There's so much pressure on homeschooling moms. Teach Latin, bake bread, keep a house beautiful, grow your food, recycle, run a home business, attend the conventions, get your theology straight. Ugh.
We tackled a lot this weekend, but only because we wanted to. In fact, I was happy not doing a garden this summer, thinking of all the days I'd spend in a chair on the porch with a book, or trekking off to the beach because I'm totally in love with surfing and that's how I want to spend my summer.
But, I have this cute 9-year-old who really, really, really wanted to put in a garden. And she's been faithfully watering the weeds every day, which just proved to me that she'd actually do this thing if I helped her set it up. She's kinda irresistible, anyway.
So we started with six beds of weeds, except for one little corner of die hard Swiss Chard:
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Then we pulled and dug and straightened the dirt:
This girl was the hardest worker I've ever had in the garden:
(and yep, she's my Sweet Caroline who nearly lost her life last year)
Know what else we did? My girls and I cooked 4 dinners, 1 lunch, 1 breakfast, a double batch of rolls, and cookie dough for the freezer. Took us 4 hours yesterday, but only because we wanted to.
Look, no matter what you read, whom you hear speak, or who is homeschooling in front of you, only do what you want to do or have to do. Let the rest go.
I recently had a conversation about blogging with a wise friend. She told me that someone told her that we Christian women shouldn't reveal all the real things in our lives, only the best things. If we show our shortcomings, she explained, that would do nothing to edify others.
Say what? I mean, really, I've tried to figure out a way to approach this subject here graciously, but this one just has me shaking my head. What she's really saying is, "Be fake. Only show others the area of your life in which you have it all together."
I've always tried to write here with an over-arching belief that when we only show other women the areas of our lives in which we currently have success, we aren't edifying them. Pretending we have it all together doesn't do our sisters any favors.
To give my friend's friend the benefit of the doubt, I'm thinking that maybe she just doesn't talk to as many homeschooling moms as I do, particularly new homeschooling moms. I have never, not once, met a homeschooling mom who hasn't told me how much she worried that she was the only one. You know what I mean- the only one struggling, the only one depressed, the only one still floundering about curriculum, housework, how to get it all done, and if she's doing enough. When we admit that we, too, are barely keeping our heads above water, we foster a sense of camaraderie, a deep desire to go to prayer for each other, and hope that "if she can do it, so can I!" That's called encouragement.
♥
I was waiting for my girls at choir practice today. Sweet mom-of-seven-very-close-together Rachel flagged me down and we had a great little chat there in the parking lot, all the while watching her boys jump in and out of her van. Boys!
I tried my best to encourage her. This big family homeschooling journey has its hardships, to be certain. I am, quite frankly, tired of reading blogs and books that only ever put their best feet forward; parenting a lot of children and taking charge of their education is HARD. WORK. Why can't we just admit it? Thrown in with the fun, laughter, happiness, love, cookies, hair bows, bike jumps, and holidays are poopy diapers, middle-of-the-night barfing fests, fits of emotions, ER visits and hospitalization, financial strain, things destroyed, and a general lack of sleep.
Want to see what was happening in my car while Rachel and I talked?
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My best friend is recovering from her second major surgery in less than two years. It's difficult and daunting. She's also a mom of 8, trying to keep all those proverbial plates spinning but also trying to just heal.
My recent need to press closer to the Savior and my best friend's current need to do the same prompted me to grab my 6-year-old and set to work on some Scripture cards for the both of us to have handy. My little daughter did the gluing- just scrapbook paper- and I did the writing.
I had pulled out Teri Maxwell's Homeschooling With a Meek and Quiet Spirit and re-read it after nine years on the shelf. I found myself underlining all of the Scripture she was citing, and it dawned on me that these were the promises I needed to have whispered into my ear in the most difficult of moments each day. If I put them on index cards, I could keep them in my pocket and pull them out as needed. And often.
This is an easy project. I don't think it took us more than an hour, and it afforded me one-on-one time with my sweetie daughter, too. That's one of my non-negotiable/flexible goals :)
So. Life with two-year-old and three-year-old BOYS. (And six other children) My mom would always say that babies born as close as my two little guys - 14 months apart - are harder than having twins, and so when I found out I was expecting Joe when Christian was just 5 months old, I contemplated lying right down on the floor of the bathroom and giving up. (not sure how that would work- giving up- but it sounded like a viable option at the time)
God always knows what He is doing.
I am confident in that fact. I, however, rarely know what I am doing.
Last week I sat on a friend's couch watching the Giants pelt the Phillies and I told my struggles to both friends there with me. "I have this blog with all kinds of ideas for a mom like me, but I've got nothin'." They are kind, caring friends who love our family and they offered good ideas. In the midst of that conversation, however, I do believe I came to what I now know is a fact:
Sometimes, it's just hard and there's no solution.
For the past 17 years of child rearing and 13 years of homeschooling, I have been able to assess what isn't working in our home and tweak our plans, schedules, and general modus operandi. Sometimes it took me several tries to get it right, but in the end we always emerged with a good day-to-day routine and my sanity. Now? Not so much. In the past week I've averted electrocution as I snatched the prong end of ear buds out of my 3-year-old's hand just a nanosecond before he shoved them into an outlet. I've washed tea tree oil out of that same boy's eyes. I've had to shower down the 2-year-old after he's twice stuck his hand in a dirty toilet. And on it goes.
This is a particularly difficult season for me, but I am not going to bore you with the details and many subtle nuances that make it so. I also realize that it will pass, and we are just a couple of years away from these two little boys not being such two little boys. For now, I am praying a whole lot, still tweaking our daily routine to see if we can ease my stress, and pressing in to Jesus. Daily I smack the palm of my hand to my forehead and say, "God, I've got nothin'."
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(If the video doesn't show up in your reader, you might want to click through)
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: my house is a mess . We tore our kitchen out last week, we're cooking in the laundry room, we're eating in the school room, and everything else is scattered.
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We used to eat right here...
It's also almond harvest. Typically, the dust is an inch deep over everything from September to November because the almond trees are shaken. A year's worth of dust goes flying off those trees and onto everything. Everything!
Living in the country is pretty and spacious, but Oh! The almond dust!
So, construction dust, almond dust, displacement, and ten generally messy people means my house will not be featured in Better Homes and Gardens anytime soon.
I struggle with this. I like "a place for everything and everything in its place". I like organization and cleanliness, I like living in a tidy environment and I don't like camping, even in my own house. I also like how people in catalogs live. Oh wait! That's right- there are no people living in those rooms in catalogs. They're completely staged.
I remember once hearing Regis Philbin talking about a photo shoot done in his home for a shelter magazine. He said he arrived home from work and didn't recognize the place. "Where did these flowers come from? In the history of my life we've never had a flower arrangement there". I think he was exaggerating a tad about not recognizing his home, but you get my drift.
I'm increasingly irritated by picture-perfect views of life with preschoolers. There's peace in our home (generally), and order and routine, but there is never perfection. If ever you've been made to feel like somehow you can't measure up to what's going on in my home, then I have failed in my mission. We can all be encouraged to improve areas that need improving, and to keep things tidy and clean. But if perfection or a catalog photo is your goal, maybe it's time to rethink your goals.
Two people in this house live in this room. I will refrain from naming them (Hayden and Nate).
I have been blessed with sisters-in-law who have gone before me in this child-rearing endeavor. I recently asked one of them what her philosophy was regarding her kids keeping their rooms clean. She said, "I knew that when they left our home, they were going to do whatever they wanted in their room/dorm/house anyway, and it was not a hill I was choosing to die on". True. I don't like to die on hills every single day. And yet, there is a common courtesy that needs to be learned. They could do a lot more picking up after themselves and I could do a lot less yelling in frustration. All in all, it's still not a hill I want to die on.
A snapshot of the living room, 9/26/2010
Let's briefly go over the above photo, just for humor's sake. That's a snow jacket there on the left. It was 96º here today. Harry Potter #7. A Hawaiian coin purse, a doll, a princess costume, various plastic thingies, a doll's arm sticking up from the floor (I think she's saying, "HELP! GET ME OUT OF THIS MESSY, DUSTY HOUSE!"), a snack container devoid of snacks. Why put it away after you've drained the contents, right? I can make this perfect-house-thing an idol, or I can keep reminding myself that there really are more valuable things in life. I didn't say I won't expect others to pick up after themselves or to take care of what we have been given. But really, there are better things to occupy our time than making our home a showcase. Like this one:
Mighty Joe