Hi Kendra-
We recently started attending a new church here in Singapore. We are the ONLY parents who bring our toddler (19-months) into the service. Generally speaking, he’s pretty good during the service, but I feel like we have to be extra considerate and quiet since we are the only ones. Do you have any good in-the-pew ideas for toddlers?? And, some at-home-training activities, too? We currently do quiet-play (chair time) for 1/2 an hour each day, and lots and lots of read-aloud time (at least two or three 20-minute sessions daily) during which Caleb has to sit still.
Since our 2nd baby* is due in about 12 weeks, I feel like now is the time to really focus on Caleb’s training in this area Thanks!
–Rebecca
*Rebecca just gave birth to Annabelle Victoria on 8/27
Hi friend!
Congrats on adding sweet Annabelle to your family!
Sounds to me as if you're on the right track by a) being proactive and purposeful, and b) practicing sitting still at home. If I were in your shoes in a church where children aren't the status quo, I'd probably sit in the back for a while until Caleb is a bit older. Doubtless you'll need to be up once or twice during the service, and by sitting in the back you're more apt to bother fewer people.
You know our church- about 15 kids for every adult, and all of them in the service. Even so, I have been sitting in the back these days because between Christian and Mighty Joe, there's just a lot of moving I have to do.
As for things to do in the pew, I would really recommend that you don't start that now unless you want to be dealing with crayons dropping, pages tearing, etc. down the road. Quiet books are nice, but depending on the child they can be a short term solution. And once we tried Cheerios and were so sorry we started that! Ugh. The crying that ensued once the Cheerios were gone...
Keep looking at the big picture! Sooner than you know Caleb will be taking sermon notes and you'll be so blessed to have him worshiping alongside of you.
Peace,
Kendra
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Hi Kendra-
I have four aged 7, 5, 3 and 1. I am pregnant with #5. We are a military family who moves every three years. My husband's hobby besides deploying is remodeling houses. I am responsible for all things related to house and yard upkeep as when hubby is gone it falls on me and it just seems to stay. Hubby remodels and that takes a lot of his free time. I do painting and clean up work for him. For the last two months my kitchen has been in rough shape. No stove for the last month.
Anyway, just trying to paint a pic I guess of lots of activity here. I rarely have time to sit down. Now, I do read to my little people every day- probably at least an hour and a half so I do sit for that and I do have naps and rest each afternoon though I often find myself working while they rest to get dinner started or my desk cleaned off. My kids do work though now we are in lots of training mode. Often I get the kids to bed, do some laundry, clean my desk, plan for the next day, hop in the shower and drop into bed. So many people tell me to rest or take a break. Even my husband will tell me to sit down and yet when I do, something is not getting done. Usually it is something related to our finances that he wants to know that I can not do when the little people are awake. Part of me feels that I need to rest and yet I know how much more smoothly our day goes when I am ready for the new day.
I guess my question is how do you take time to rest to feel rejuvenated? I know now with a newborn and a baby you might not be feeling that for awhile. I rarely socialize with others outside of church and do not talk on the phone very often. I try to read my Bible during nap time, but feel a bit stale in my Bible study. I am really happy with my life overall I just sometimes yearn for a bit of R and R. I know we should have relaxation time with our kids but do you think rest time either to crochet or blog or scrapbook is necessary and how do you factor the time into your busy life?
Thanks so much,
Megan Volmer
Hi Megan-
Yes, it is necessary to rest. Take a break. Clear the air. "Be still and know that I am God." "Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest."
You have a very full plate in this season of your life, and probably have already had that sweet baby or are about to. While there isn't time to lounge by the pool for uninterrupted hours on end, there is always time to take a rest and not feel guilty about it.
God instigated a day of rest from the beginning of time, and that day devoted to Him should be a definite change of pace and focus. Your time in worship, presumably on Sunday morning, is designed by God to bring glory to Him and impart His grace to you, provided you are in a church where worship is taken seriously. And while we mothers don't ever really get a whole Sunday to rest (there are still meals to make and clean up, diapers to change, etc.), we certainly can devote ourselves to switching gears and slowing down if only to honor the fifth commandment, and ultimately, our Lord and Savior. Ask Him to give you rest at the end of each day and once a week that will sustain and strengthen you for all that lies ahead.
Peace,
Kendra
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If I have learned anything over the past 15 years of parenting, it is that nothing ever stays the same for very long. No sooner do I have something planned or charted or scheduled than something changes and I have to start all over again.
Case in point: I just finished telling you all about the fact that both our 15-year-old and our 13-year-old would be at my husband's office for the year when we up and decided that they would instead stay home this year. Well, we didn't exactly "up and decide"; there was a lot of careful thought and rumination going into this decision.
What does this mean on a practical level for me? I have to revamp my revamps. I can utilize those guys in other ways. I can once again have the best barista in town whipping up chai frappucinos for me on a daily basis :) I was super bummed when I realized he'd be at work with his dad right about the time he'd offer to make me one each afternoon.
I won't be posting my revisions unless someone needs ideas for chores 15-year-olds and 13-year-olds can tackle, although they won't have many more than they already do. And the whole point of this post is simply to encourage you to not be discouraged when you have to scrap something you spent time putting together. Or, as my wise friend Cheryl always advises me, "Hold your plans loosely".
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Mighty Joe's PICU Buddies Trying to Escape
Many thanks again to everyone who continues to pray for and ask about Mighty Joe.Mighty Joe is doing very well. He smiles, eats, sleeps, and poops just as a three-month-old should. We got the results of his MRI back this week and it confirmed that he does indeed have brain damage, but given his seeming normalcy, we have no idea what that means long term.
We are so at peace. Just last month we were told he wouldn’t live and if he did he would certainly have major recovery hurdles, might potentially be blind or deaf, would have feeding issues and require a G-Tube. So far, none of the above has proven to be true. Last night as I fed Joe, I just thanked God over and over again. This precious little human is exactly who God wants him to be.
In Revamping Systems, Part Two I mentioned that I have changed my attitude regarding my responsibilities, my children's responsibilities, and what I can expect of them. This has been the single most effective change I've made in our home maybe ever, because the change was in my attitude, not in any system, training technique, or other similar means.
My best friend Lisa was reading to her children the last book Bob Schultz wrote before his recent death, a book called Practical Happiness: A Young Man's Guide to a Contented Life. She called me one day and said, "Listen to this!" She went on to tell me about a chapter in which Mr. Schultz describes his disgruntled attitude upon arriving home each night, seeing the messes and what was unfinished and greeting his family with a scowl. God convicted him of his attitude, and of that Mr. Schultz wrote:
"As I thought about my failure, He showed me how to get over it: accept every task in the house and on the grounds as mine... Someone may say this perspective is unrealistic. No one could be expected to do every job. But it's done so much good for our family and for me. I wish I had seen it earlier. I rarely wash dishes. That makes me all the more pleased with my useful daughters. I can't remember cooking a dinner. How I appreciate my wife's help! When she's doing my job, I can accept a meal that's a half hour "late". When would it have been on the table if I had made it?"
Fabulous, isn't it? Yes, this house, these grounds, these children- all of these are my responsibilities and when I get some help, I am thankful! Like Mr Schultz, it is a rare occasion when I have to empty the dishwasher and now instead of grumbling when I do have that job to squeeze in, I am thankful that my seven-year-old does the dishwasher emptying on a regular basis. Boy, I wish I'd learned this one earlier.
We still expect our children to pick up after themselves. We are still training them to create less work for others, not more. We are still teaching them life skills that they can take with them when they leave our home. But my attitude has changed from disappointment in the child-like results of their work to thankfulness that all these young people are pitching in to help lighten my load.
Can I get an amen?
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Torch Runner, 2008 Backyard Olympics
Yes, I will post those new chore spreadsheets in a PDF file. I've converted one already but not the other yet because, well, I've been busy. You know- eight kids, plus six of our friends' kids here for the weekend, a nephew here at the beginning of the week, a doctor appointment for Mighty Joe, the new school year to plan... Ah, who am I kidding? The real reason? I'm an Olympics junkie. I have been happily planting my lazy body on a chair at my in-law's house every night for four hours. Until tonight of course- that .01 second win by Michael Phelps actually propelled me off the recliner :)
